Down for Valentine's Day
Today is Valentine's Day & I do NOT feel like celebrating it. I also feel guilty for not feeling like celebrating, too. And I know if I say ANYTHING to DH about not feeling like celebrating, he'll lay the guilt trip & the "poor me" crap on me too.I'm not 100% sure why I don't feel like celebrating. I mean, I do know a little. Although I know that I do care for DH & love him in my own way, I hate that it's not enough. Meaning: no matter what I give, he'll want more, more, more. (The bottomless pit) That makes me not want to bother giving at all.And then there's the disappointment that certain things will never change. And that any suggestion on my part to change things is met with defensiveness/counterattack. I guess it may all boil down to is: if he showed just some caring for his own life--not just token gestures, but seeing what he needs to do and consistently taking steps to doing it--then I'd have no problem being his biggest cheerleader! There's been so many instances of "just talk" where I've been the encourager, to no fruition. Maybe I'm tired of being disappointed.I don't know. I'm having a hard time articulating this. I guess I'll just play it by ear tonight.
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YOU JUST SAID IT ALL, YOU FEEL LET DOWN, UNHAPPY, YOU NEED THE MAN THAT IS THERE, CARING, RESPONSABLE, THE OTHER HALF, AND HE IS NOT THERE, SO SORRY DEAR FRIEND, IT WAS THE SAME FOR ME, NOW THAT ITS OVER IT IS BETTER FOR ME, NO MORE , I NO LONGER BELIEVE IN LOVE OR MARRIAGE, IT IS SAD BUT ITS THE ONLY WAY FOR ME TO SURVIVE MY DISASTER OF A MARRIAGE, AND NOT LOSE MY SANITY..TALK TO HIM, SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE, BECAUSE YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED, HUGS LUCY***