Down for a bit

I have a truly terrible cold. The kind that really knocks you down. Sneezing, snuffling, shivering, coughing, fevers, the whole kaboodle. Ugh. I feel like such a weenie... I KNOW it's just a cold, and I keep saying to everyone that I'm FINE and that I don't need anything. That is the ferocious side of my personality. I can take care of everything. EVERY THING. Then I realize I'm lonely and tired. Haha, can't fool myself. 
Of course when the headache started, I thought, "how can a little headache be so bad? How bad must Andy's headaches have been?" I remember him begging for mercy... such awful awful headaches. Dude. I am so sorry.
This afternoon I went to buy some paint and the guy working there says that he had a long hectic day; his co-worker Paul had to go home with a terrible headache this morning. Apparently he was white as a ghost. It reminded me again of Andy's headache. After that time, which was December 26th two years ago, I can't ever again be easy-breezy about a headache. I said that I hoped Paul would be OK... that he should get it checked out. 
It's the loss of innocence. Things aren't always 'ok'. Sometimes really bad things happen.
And it's dark. And very cold. The sun is setting here before 4 o'clock! Once I get over the worst of this cold, I need some endorphins aka time in the gym. Sorry just complaining a little. Back troubles, horrible cold, dark, no kitchen or laundry for a few weeks (due to wonderful building project, shouldn't complain?!) but worst of all: memories of Andy's pain.  I feel like being in this circle of friends is a safe place to say it when life sucks. I mean, life is still good, but I really don't have to pretend everything is ok, do I. That's an old habit that doesn't really help.
Andy, help me to tell the truth in my life. Help me to be honest about all the rotten stuff as well as the wonderful stuff. Help me to accept help when I need it. 
xoxo Sarah