Down

I have been pretty depressed for months now.  I have no motivation to change things.  I once thought that since I don't have much time left that I would enjoy every second I am here.  I refused to let this disease rob me of happiness.  Now I just don't have it in me to fight anymore.  Cirrosis and Hep C are killing me slowly.  I have no energy to do anything.

I  had blood work down and I am low on a lot of stuff.  I was low on Potasium but I was able to get it back up by taking supplements.

I also take a very strong multivitamin daily.

I know deep down that when the end comes that I will be sorry for wasting time.  I want to get in touch with my spiritual side but I feel like I have screwed it up too.    I feel sorry or my husband because I know I am a downer for him.  He has been really good to me lately.  More so then he has ever been. 

My home needs cleaned badly, I need to exercise, and I need to get out.  I know to take baby steps and make a list.  That helps. 

I would love to go into a facility that could help me get out of this depression and have someone to talk to but there is no good help out there.  Everyone except my pain doctor is a joke.  They don't follow up on tests, they don't listen when I tell them something is wrong.  I feel like they are incompedent to care for me.  So I have the option of moving and leaving my husband behind or staying here until it all comes to an end.

I would love to be a spokes person for mental illness but I doubt if it would help. 

I hope God accepts me with ALL of my flaws.