Double Sadness
Stevan,
Tonite has been a rough one. First I started breaking down and crying for you and your Daughter came and laid down with me and kept telling me it is OK Mom. She hugged and kissed me for the duration which was probably 1/2 hr to 45 minutes I am missing you so bad I can't grip this yet. Then after I was done she wanted to talk more about her Daddy and I told her she needs to talk whenever she wants so we began to talk about you then she started crying and I was there to hug and kiss her. Casey is a strong little girl well not young she is 22 but you know what I mean, She has shocked me the way she is handling all this, I thought for sure she would need some help that I wasn't capable of giving her but she has shown me that she is strong and kinda of knows what she is doing. I asked Kyle tonite again how he was and he told me he is OK, I told him again not to hold things in and be sure to talk about his feelings but you know teenage boys I think he is more worried about me so he is trying to be strong. I will keep my eyes on him to make sure he is OK. He loves and misses you too, you are his Papa and that will never change. I still am having a hard time going to bed, I stay up late each night, the Idea of going to bed is something I wish I didn't have to do, you were always there with me and now it's empty and I can see you lying there in my mind and I just crumble and walk out. I wake up at around 3-4:00am every morning just to check to see if you are there and I Hold your t-shirt and sweat shirt tight to me. I go to work and my mind just thinks of you and I can't et anything done, this is by far the HARDEST thing I have ever had to go through, even when we had Casey and were told she had Down Syndrome is nothing compared to losing you. Losing my Dad was terrible but this is worse, losing my Grandma so suddenly way back when we 1st started dating was nothing compared to this,, losing my Grandpa after my Dad was nothing compared to this. How can god make us go through such agony throughout our lives, what is this all about anyway. I asked this when I lost everyone but I ask this more everyday losing you. Why are we here, what is our purpose, what is the purpose of losing someone we love so much and we have to go on?? I will be sure to ask that question when I get there, I will be knocking at the door for an answer you can be sure.
I love you Stevan
I miss you profoundly
I will never get over you
you are the love of my life
you were my reason for being
I will miss you forever
Always & Always
Forever & Ever
Laur
Tonite has been a rough one. First I started breaking down and crying for you and your Daughter came and laid down with me and kept telling me it is OK Mom. She hugged and kissed me for the duration which was probably 1/2 hr to 45 minutes I am missing you so bad I can't grip this yet. Then after I was done she wanted to talk more about her Daddy and I told her she needs to talk whenever she wants so we began to talk about you then she started crying and I was there to hug and kiss her. Casey is a strong little girl well not young she is 22 but you know what I mean, She has shocked me the way she is handling all this, I thought for sure she would need some help that I wasn't capable of giving her but she has shown me that she is strong and kinda of knows what she is doing. I asked Kyle tonite again how he was and he told me he is OK, I told him again not to hold things in and be sure to talk about his feelings but you know teenage boys I think he is more worried about me so he is trying to be strong. I will keep my eyes on him to make sure he is OK. He loves and misses you too, you are his Papa and that will never change. I still am having a hard time going to bed, I stay up late each night, the Idea of going to bed is something I wish I didn't have to do, you were always there with me and now it's empty and I can see you lying there in my mind and I just crumble and walk out. I wake up at around 3-4:00am every morning just to check to see if you are there and I Hold your t-shirt and sweat shirt tight to me. I go to work and my mind just thinks of you and I can't et anything done, this is by far the HARDEST thing I have ever had to go through, even when we had Casey and were told she had Down Syndrome is nothing compared to losing you. Losing my Dad was terrible but this is worse, losing my Grandma so suddenly way back when we 1st started dating was nothing compared to this,, losing my Grandpa after my Dad was nothing compared to this. How can god make us go through such agony throughout our lives, what is this all about anyway. I asked this when I lost everyone but I ask this more everyday losing you. Why are we here, what is our purpose, what is the purpose of losing someone we love so much and we have to go on?? I will be sure to ask that question when I get there, I will be knocking at the door for an answer you can be sure.
I love you Stevan
I miss you profoundly
I will never get over you
you are the love of my life
you were my reason for being
I will miss you forever
Always & Always
Forever & Ever
Laur
Replies
hang in there! i had a day like your having yesterday, just keep breathing. Pain that intense dosn\'t go forever. Lost mine almost a month ago, believe me i understand the emotions, not your connection, but your emotions. xoxoxo
Thank you
I fully understand where you are coming from and have had some of the same emotions as you are having. Today marks the 7th month my Steve has been gone. I still miss him each day. It does get a little easier as time passes.
Hang in there. Big hug for you today.
Cheryl
Kids are stronger than we give them credit for, but when they think they have to hold things together for their parent, that\'s not right, my son has always been my biggest support, I do have a bond with him, when his dad died, (Bruce was his step dad), he didn\'t react the way I thaught he would, he didn\'t cry, he was strong and he was only 9 years old, now hes 20, independent, working, and when Bruce died he came over right after work and took the following day off to be with me, almost like I needed him, just like when he was 9. Hes turning out to be a wonderfull young man, and im very proud of him. As for Casey, disabled or not, she is strong, and there for her mom, much like Sammie is with me, and its good that shes expressing her greaf, much like Sammie did when her dad and Bruce died. Our kids are some what the same, the boys have to be strong and not let their feelings show, were as the girls are more emotional. As for you my dear friend, it will get better, as ive said before, take it one day at a time.