Dose it ever really get better.

does the depression ever totally go away or does it just constantly consume you. its true there are times where it losses its grip and you can somewhat live your life. Then like every other time in your fucking life it comes back. it always has that horrible grip on you no matter what you do to fight it. the medicine trying to really try do things to keep you busy take your mind off of it. It keeps you going for a few weeks a few months tops then bam a fucking paralyzing brick walk is back in your way. You can't handle going to work you can't do a damn thing to keep friends your kids don't want to listen and everyone thinks your being a bad parent because you just can't even find the physical or mental ability to do what you know you need to do. to top things off you push away the one person that is supposed to be there in sickness and health. but guess what they can't handle this sickness they think you don't love or want them so they trying to find attention other places. What does that do makes you feel even more like shit! it never fucking ends. its been ten years since i first hurt my self and eight since i tried to end my life and i think about doing both of those things at the very least once a week. i just want it to stop i don't want to have to be sitting alone at almost midnight crying trying not to wake my husband or kids.