Dormant
It has been about two weeks since my last journal entry and I am feeling pretty much the same. The drive and energy to prosper have not returned. The urge to blow all my money at the casinos has not returned (Thank God). I am occaionally buying lottery tickets, NEVER more than 7 or 8 dollars. It still burns me that my cousin and neighbor who won over a million in the lottery totally ignored me when the problems arose with my house which I eventually lost. Every day I think how could such a jerk win and I can't? I am thankful for my family of course, they are all healthy and active. However I cannot escape the guilt, problems and loss of money that I caused. I am in a rut and I cannot climb out. I am trying a create a lucky break to get back on my feet and be prosperous again, but it is not happening. Oh well, something is bound to happen as long as I keep going. But............ it will not happen at a casino.
Replies
You can climb out of your rut with hard work. Luck has nothing to do with it. It\'s all in your hands. Have FAITH!!!!!
Hugs Steph
I am so proud of you. I know it is hard to fight the addiction but you can do it.
Hell, I know that it comes down to hard work and not luck. All I am doing is using this forum to vent and take out my frustrations. It is taking me a long time to stop thinking about all the mistakes I have made and the hole I have dug myself in.
By the way, go easy on the lightning talk. In the area where I work, during the thunderstorm the other day a house WAS hit by lightning. LOL
Im just smiling :)
Maybe you have OCD and gambling was just ONE of the many things you have obsessed about thoughout your life. Obsession will immobilize you even when you knew it is imperative to mobilize! Just a thought.
$1M dollars minus the taxes isn\'t that impressive anymore, though it would have been a blessing to you. Maybe the cousin/neighbor suspected you\'d not use it correctly if he gave some to you.
Either way, its just life man...its just life. Don\'t beat yourself up. Whatever vision you have in your mind of the \"perfect man\" is just smoke. That vision doesn\'t exist is real life, so what makes you think it should exist for you?
I hope you soon realize that the old saying really is true: You only go through life once. So why not just l-i-v-e and quit sweating everything.
Some people won\'t agree with what I am about to advise you to do, but they lack credibility because they\'ve never actually DONE it. It won\'t make you perfect, but it will truly change your life\'s direction for the better.
Go to the forest (or the bedroom or whereever) - some place where there are no others. Figuratively tear open your chest to reveal your heart to Christ. S-U-R-R-E-N-D-E-R, finally.
Ask him to change the desires of your heart. The desires of your heart are what got you to this spot in the first place.
Begin to heal your soul. Out loud, dredge up everything negative in your life - since your earliest memory - and speak it. Where someone hurt you - speak it. Where you hurt someone - speak it. Confess your pain and quit holding it in. Christ will wash it away and it will no longer trouble you. His blood already paid for your gambling and other destructive behavior. You don\'t HAVE to - so get over it!
Good luck to you in your new life and heart\'s new desires. And I hope you enjoy the blessings that are headed your way after you drive out of those woods or walk out of that bedroom. ;)