Doomsday!
I got up this morning and noticed the hard driving rain outside and it reminded me of the symbolism of rain in the movies. Rain means death. I think a part of me died today.
As the time grew nearer, I got more and more nervous and felt more and more alone. With about a half hour to go, I picked up my guitar, sat on the edge of my bed, tried to hold the pick between my splint and index finger. It wasn't easy but I began playing "Time in a bottle". This is one of the songs I use to serenade my wife with before we got married. It was a struggle to play but on this day, seemed to sound better being played handicapped then when I played it in the usual way. I could hear my wife crying in the other room. I knew she remembered! :(
I think there was a part of me that was hoping she would change her mind at the last minute but that never happened. I asked her to help me get dressed with threading my belt through the loops which I have a difficult time doing being handicapped.
I was surprised that bf rode to the courthouse with us but later discovered he had a dr appt immediately following. In fact, we all went down together so he wouldn't be late. His health is not so good.
At the courthouse, we met with wife's attorney in a conference room and went over some details and I got a few more things that I didn't expect to get, so that was cool.
I was given 5 months to leave but I have a pretty good idea that I will be here alot longer simply because I do so much around here. Yesterday the riding lawnmower broke down so I immediately tore the engine apart to fix it. Hope to finish the job when it stops raining.
I don't feel like I am single....hasn't quite sunk in yet
As the time grew nearer, I got more and more nervous and felt more and more alone. With about a half hour to go, I picked up my guitar, sat on the edge of my bed, tried to hold the pick between my splint and index finger. It wasn't easy but I began playing "Time in a bottle". This is one of the songs I use to serenade my wife with before we got married. It was a struggle to play but on this day, seemed to sound better being played handicapped then when I played it in the usual way. I could hear my wife crying in the other room. I knew she remembered! :(
I think there was a part of me that was hoping she would change her mind at the last minute but that never happened. I asked her to help me get dressed with threading my belt through the loops which I have a difficult time doing being handicapped.
I was surprised that bf rode to the courthouse with us but later discovered he had a dr appt immediately following. In fact, we all went down together so he wouldn't be late. His health is not so good.
At the courthouse, we met with wife's attorney in a conference room and went over some details and I got a few more things that I didn't expect to get, so that was cool.
I was given 5 months to leave but I have a pretty good idea that I will be here alot longer simply because I do so much around here. Yesterday the riding lawnmower broke down so I immediately tore the engine apart to fix it. Hope to finish the job when it stops raining.
I don't feel like I am single....hasn't quite sunk in yet
Replies
I am so sorry you had to go through with this. It really hurts ha? It will get better as time goes on. You have to give yourself time to heal before you go into another relationship. Remember I was divorced too, and I cried my eyes out like crazy and now I am a happy divorced ex wife. I am so glad he divorced me. You will have time to heal and that is what we are here for! For you to vent and we can help you along the road!
Time in a Bottle is a classic song. Sometimes songs sound better when there is so much emotion around it. I love listening to Moonlight Sonata. Its a very haunting song in many ways....
I am sorry you have to go through this..... I hope in time.. your heart heals.
Much love.
Divorce does this to you... It is amazing you all can remain so civil to one another... You will heal in time. Don\'t work that thumb too much....
You will feel single when you get away from your ex and her boyfriend. I don\'t understand the nature of this arrangement (not judging), it seems very unhealthy! I can\'t imagine living with my ex and his current love. I\'m sorry your hurting, but I think your living armaments may be prolonging the hurt. I hope you can move out sooner than alter. it seems like you are hanging on and using your circumstances as an excuse to stay close to her. I may be wrong, I have only read some of your past journal entries and this is what I based my opinion on.