Dont want the hurt anymore

Well, I didn't see or hear from him Tuesday.  Belinda couldn't do the bathroom Tues so I had to cancel with him.  Sent him a text and he never responded.  Don't know if his phone is shut off or not.  Tired of riding the emotional rollercoaster.  Larry keeps telling me that Spanky will be back again.  Don't know how soon though.  I wish he would come back to me so we can spend Christmas together with the kids.  That would be wonderful and the best present he could ever give me.  Then this year, we could do New Years right.  I'm just dreaming right now.  So many wonderful thoughts that I have cooked up in my head.  Read an email I sent to a friend after I went to see a psychic and this is what she said about Spank: Spanky is at a state of ending but there is a new beginning after the first of the year.  Then came the cards.  Basically in a nutshell, Spanky is going thru a transition period right now.  He doesn’t know what he wants (gee, we already figured that one out) and he is afraid of a commitment and also afraid to lose more money than he already has.  He is just going thru an ego boost right now with the little girl but will walk away from her. She asked me if Spanky was an alcoholic- threw me for a loop right there! I told her that he was and she said that she (the 19 yr old) will use that to bring him down.  He will all but lose everything.   He will be totally DESTROYED.  All of this is to happen in a 3 wk to 3 month period.  It will take him 14-15 months to recover but in the meantime he will come back to me. He will go thru a lot of deception and backstabbing before it’s over with her.   She asked me if I would take him back and would be strong enough to deal with his issues. I told her that I would and the cards said that I would be ready also.  Bring on his problems and straighten him out once and for all.  She said that by then, he will offer me his love and commitment.  I told her about Larry’s dream of me and Spanky getting married and the cards said that Larry’s dream was true and yes, it will happen.  There will be a joyous occasion to celebrate.   Why can't i have that now?  Let's see he has lost:1.  his job      check2.  his jeep    hasnt been taken away yet but they are looking for it  check3.  his kids basically   check4.  his family   check     he can get them back if he would get his head out of his butt5.  his phone - possibly6.  cant get electricity for the house in his name   check7   his house with her-   they will lose it unless her parents step in8.  his motivation to get his life in order    check9.  me --  well, he only communicates with me every 2 months.  Have to wait until the time between Christmas and New Years to hear from him again i guess! When will he wake up?  He IS the man that I have waited for even though he has so many problems. He can get out of them if he really tried and put his life focus back on himself instead of Rayna.  I figured that he would be tired of her by now.  She will do jail time for her probation violation and he will be without her for a while.  Will that be enough to make him move back home? He has so much potential and is a GOOD hearted man.  Am I just barking up the wrong tree with him?  Do I hold out since I keep getting told that he will be back and want to be with me again?  I just don't know what to do!  It's making me sad that I don't know if I will be with the Lanfair family for Christmas or just alone.  Im a person who plans ahead.  Guess I get to plan nothing right now.