dont think I should do this
I understand the importance of writing a journal. Im sure it can be healing. But Im afraid to at this point. Im afraid that it will come out as sooo angry. Blaming doctors for not finding what was wrong for 3 days,,, 3 days until they put him on a treadmill. A treadmill that caused a second heart attack. A treadmill because they couldnt find what caused the first heart attack. And angry at myself for letting them do it! Yeah,,,,, I cant do this......
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Anger is all part of the process. Alot of us get it out in our journals. Some wright good things that have happened, or good memories. Others tell how they get the anger out. What ever works for you. We do not judge, we try to help. Do not be afraid to write down how you feel. I was mad at my son for dying, anger and grief are overwhelming.
I hope this helps, once you get to read other journals and get to know people through their writings you will find we all take people under our wings.
Hugs Penny
We have all gone there....it is ok...you may rant, vent,,,blame every doctor,
when you come here,,,,you can let go,,,we really understand...write when you can and whatever you want,,,,we love you...
Oh my goodness ~ anger is so, so, so normal and part of this horrid experience we have all gone through. Every single child lost, every unique situation, brings with it questions of \"WHY\". I was so angry and upset when we got the phone call that our 21 year old daughter had been killed by a drunk driver that I banged my hand on the kitchen counter, not even realizing that I had injured myself until several days later when I noticed a gigantic bruise on the side of my hand.
This is a safe place to vent, to cry, to scream, to question everything, to feel and express anger and confusion ~ we\'ve all been there and will gently offer our support and understanding.
Please be patient with yourself, love yourself and forgive yourself. You are processing more than any one person should ever have to process and it\'s a confusing process that brings with it every emotion in the book, often including lots of anger.
Sending gentle hugs of comfort and understanding ~ Debbie, Corrie\'s Mom
Anger is very much a part of this path and whatever you write about is needed for you. We are here to listen with loving compassion and understanding. Anger gets a bad rap because really it\'s needed to move things within us.
You did it and you wrote your first journal. It takes courage to do so and there are no expectations or pressure here to do anything. It\'s a place to receive what we need even when we are not even sure of what that might look like.
I\'m SO sorry about your beloved son and yes, none of it is fair, okay or should ever have happened. Deepest of sighs...
Heartfelt hugs,
Joanie
I am so proud of you for writing your first journal...I also was afraid to write down my feelings and thoughts in a journal...I remember thinking that if I open myself up, it would consume me...I resisted for a long time.
Instead I responded and read others journals...In doing so I saw that most everyone felt as I did, one time or another...I remember thinking that I should write something positive or inspirational, and not be \"negative\"...when in truth, I was not being genuine with myself by doing so...I found that when I wrote something in my journal, that others responded and thanked me for putting into words what they could not express....and I found that sometimes when I read a journal or read a comment on mine, that it was just what I needed to hear at that moment.
Please write when you are ready...we will listen...please feel free to read our journals...especially some of our older ones, you will see that many of us have felt the same...although our journeys are unique, many of the feelings are the same.
Take care of you,
AnnM, mother of Daren
I can relate to being afraid to write your feelings in a journal. I was afraid for over 4 yrs....but when I came here I found some courage to do it. Maybe reading other mom\'s journals showed me it was ok to put anything I was feeling in a journal. When I wrote my 1st journal I was very nervous of what might come out. I wrote just a little & much to my surprise I felt a kind of release.
The beauty of a journal is that we can write in it when we want to & say what is weighing heavy on our heart. Some of the other mom\'s here have mentioned there is no judgements on what we say. That is key to feeling safe enough to express what we are truly feeling.
So please know that if & when you feel like you want to say something in your journal, the mom\'s here have created a safe, loving & compassionate place to do it. Feel free to read our journals & look at our photos, get to know us a little. You no doubt will notice we are a lot like you.
Thank you for sharing your son, Jeremy with us.
Many loving hugs....Vicki (Jeremy & Chad\'s mom)
Hey...we can handle anger...we understand anger...all journals are not about how good we feel...they are HOW we feel. Write what you need to say. Love and hugs...Karen
I HAD to scream...and cuss....and vent it all out. For me, holding it all in would have been far worse. We all are different and no one knows you like you do, but I do encourage to you write something....just like you did with this...and express (release) a little bit of the energy at a time.
This is a HUGE step, this journal, expressing what you have here....it takes courage to step outside of your comfort zone and share such intimate and painful details.
Some moms find what they need just in reading journals...unable to write much, if at all, themselves. THAT\'S OK!! Some moms, like me, have a need to blurt out every single detail...over and over. THAT\'S OK!!
When I think of you, I SEE a mom who searched and found us (FMO) because you were seeking a place, like we all were, where we could be HEARD. And darling, whether you are writing or reading, trying to comment on journals or unable to just yet, we HEAR your heart and we love you.
You are still in the very earliest of days/weeks of this great tragedy. It\'s amazing that you are able to put even one sentence together coherently! Don\'t feel like you have to write, but know that what ever you do write, is received and heard in love and understanding of the pain beyond words you are experiencing.
We\'ve all been where you are....we get it....
Tightest of heart hugs from me and Kala to you and Jeremy~~