Dont know what to call this one...

I'm feeling down today. I've been second guessing if I actually found the babies heartbeat or if it was really just mine. I must be really out of shape because I'll be trying to listen to it laying down and I'll hear mine in like 2 or 3 different spots then I'll stand up and I thought I heard the babies but today I was counting it, because stupid me didnt order a digital one, and mine heartbeat speeds up really fast when I stand up. So I think I heard mine and just thought it was the babies. Which is one thing bringing me down. I think another is I'm almost 11 weeks and I'm starting to lose most of my symptoms the sickness are starting to go away for the most part I still get sick sometimes. My boobs certain days hurt so bad then other days they dont hurt at all. I'm just feeling crappy in general I just wish I could have an ultrasound to make sure things are ok. I'm so used to having them every week or atleast every other week and its been almost 2 weeks since I had one and I dont really know when I'll get another one. I have that consultation at the high risk clinic on Friday and I dont know what they'll do that day. So I guess I can just hope they either listen and find the babies heartbeat or they do an ultrasound. I guess I'm just in need of some reasurance. I'm starting to lose my confidence. I thought for sure this baby was going to be the one but now I'm starting to think something could be wrong. What if I go and theres no heartbeat. Maybe I should have waited a few weeks to get the doppler that way I knew for sure I could hear it. Maybe I really did hear it and I'm just going completely nuts. Another thing is I've been having some pains in my lower sides. The logical reason would be growing and that I am doing I'm getting so big already. But to me it also could be somethings wrong, which is more than likely not the reason. My husbands friend came over lastnight and told my husband in private "Monicas starting to show". My husband ran into the living room and was like hunnie Mike called you fat,....then told me the story. Which dont get my wrong I'm happy I'm getting big already. I want everyone in the world to know I'm pregnant. I'm just nervous. Well thanks for listening to me guys. Pray for me that I start feeling more confident about this pregnancy and I get reasured everything is perfectly fine on Friday. I mean theres really no reason for there to be something wrong. This is the furthest I've ever made it you think I would be more confident than ever before. Gotta go.  Hugs and luv, Monica