dont know?

You know sometimes, i just dont know what to do? Tonight i sit here alone again, analyzing my position in life, and how i got here... Im so so damn alone it is stupid,   My family dont keep in contact that often, my children growing up and not here so often anymore. My partner who i adore and he  not live with me, and  is so so male and i cant explain that exactly.  9 years we have been dating, and i hardly see him   ,,,,, i am such a romantic He knows that fact. but we seem to be so apart from each other, more than we are  together, and i know that he wants it that way... Yes he can say its work, as he has long hours, but we only see each other 2 max 3 times a week, and for the rest of the time, im alone,,,,,, You know in 9 years he hasnt bought me a ring, that would be nice, a commitment of somesort.   Peachy=Alone=Sad The only thing i have ever wanted in life, was for a family who cared, and if i couldnt have that, i wanted to make a family who was with me and stayed . Lets not go there with my ex- husband the abuser who bashed me and broke my bones,,,  So you know what , i did not get  my dream of having my own complete family .. Im so alone, it makes me sick , and l have no friends  And then viola , god gave me pd as what a punishment!  Everyone here seems to have friends and family, l have no-one ... sad sad and feel sick  No-one will read this l bet, and l dont know what to do.... All i do is work to keep me sane