Don\'t want to go back!

I dont really know what to write, other than, i am falling into old habits, more in my thinking than my actions right now, but fighting is getting harder ad harder and i am so scared that soon i will slip further into old habits. i feel so awful, i dont want to go back, im scared, i keep fighting, i just dont know how to win and how much longer i can fight going back. I dont know if anyone will read this, but if you do and have anything to say i would love to hear from you.