Don't wait... standing!

Today on the boards I mentioned that I'M worn DOWN by people "threatening" to off themselves... and I'm really hoping that the discussions don't trigger off a whole bunch of "I mights..." which is why I just laid it out there... BOTH for the quiet serious people who DO NEED to talk seriously to work their way through the darkness and who typically get lost in the clamour AND anyone prone to melodrama, who MIGHT get caught up in the "mood"...
IT is a devastating thing to go through... the last person just destroyed me... it took a year before I even began to accept that he could do that... I lost several close friends because I refused to go to his funeral and just couldn't "want" to accept it... even now I can't celebrate his "life" because a big part of me is still so dark (sad, hurt...) about it... It just pushes all my own "s" buttons... and then there are the friends who refuse to say the "s" word and refer to his passing as a tragic "accident"... 
The back lash from both sides has been very isolating... I so miss him...
He was like a big brother to me and HE got ME through my last TBI... such a patient, funny, person... He was my closest friend, apart from Hubby, and he quite literally baby sat me when I couldn't even string a sentence together (my latest TBI involved serious frontal lobe damage)... If it wasn't for him... I wouldn't have made it... he dragged my backside out of the darkness... He checked up on me every single day until I was able to wobble back out into the world, still more than a little bruised but upright... BUT he never gave me the opportunity to do the same for him... arggghhh! 
I know I am a "flee" response person but my flight nowadays always involves a charge towards SAFER, if somewhat remote, ground... I can't/won't stay in a situation that is abusive so I know I'm not likely to be able to empathise with someone who stays in an abusive situation myself but I'm also a determined survivor who is not going to let the people who abused me win.
I was groomed by a sexual sadist, the landlord, from around age 4 1/2 until 11 or 12... my mother turned a drunken/drugged blind eye... my grandmother berated me for not being "dutiful" and loving enough for my "poor" "sick" mother constantly... my younger brother & I we suffered in quiet desperation... BUT when we could ESCAPE we did... I'm always going to be on the GET OUT OF THERE team... You run little bro... you RUN as far & as fast as you can! Never look back keep moving forward!
Some may see the "Get OUT of there" as a lack of empathy and that may be true... but after having to regain consciousness over & over again after being sexually assaulted every few days for YEARS... it is my LIFE jacket... and while I'd LOVE to have a more flexible set of coping mechanisms... I don't... I'm a one trick pony! I run to save my life... even when it is NOT appropriate, lol... arghhhh!