Don't trust myself

How can I be a good husband if I can't take care of myself. I have never had discipline even since I was a child. I got everything I wanted. I wanted this woman and I got what I wanted...and I regret it. And I have hurt her too. She is texting me. She came to our fucking wedding. She told me she did not want to be a life ruiner...and this is true. I cannot ruin my wife's life by putting my mistake on her. As payment for the screwup I now have to bear the pain and guilty on my own without anyone else. If I bear the pain with the other woman, I will cave and nothing will change. I need to shut her out of my life and focus on what I need to do. I wish I could shut my wife out of my life for a few months just to focus on myself but I cannot, and she would not understand this. I told her I wanted to go to marriage counseling, and she flat out asked me if I was going to leave her. After seeing her reaction there is no way I can tell her what I did, at least not now. She has too much on her plate and this will kill her. This is my burden to bear and I will use this to help myself