Don't Know What To Do
this is my first entry here - so sorry it is so long. I have been married for 22 years and have 2 beautiful children. I was basicly an only child has my brothers were 22 years older than me. Therefore, I have had to help take care of my parents/brother and grandparents. They are all dead and I have no aunts/uncles either. Back in 2011 my husband confronted to me (after my favorite aunt died) that he had an affair on me for 3 years. I knew it though and had asked many times and he lied to me and said no. He told me he broke it off with her and I said we need to go to counseling and that he was not to see or ever talk to her again. Well in 2012 (I had a feeling) he saw her at a park (which I drove up and caught them - they weren't doing anything but talking but still). I was pissed. I said again to stay away from her and told her that she was breaking up a marriage and to stay away. He said he needed to talk to her which I interrupted. Last month I also had a feeling - took a drive and saw his van and her car at another park. Again he said he saw her vehicle pulled in to just say hi and see how she was doing and talk to her. I told him to pack his clothes and leave (been 3 weeks).
Today, someone sent me a text and said he was with her again. I immediately drove out there and yelled at him (she was gone). I told him I can't do this anymore and that I was going to file for divorce. I do love him, but I don't trust him. He said he is trying to move on and just needs her to not be mad at him (since he does not have any friends he sees her as a friend). I explained she is not a friend and that she is the 3rd person in our marriage. He shouldn't have anything to talk about with her. He is tearring our marriage apart. But he expect me to trust him and that is has been since 2011 that the affair ended. I said I can't trust you because you keep seeing her (even if it is just to tall and that this shows he has feelings for her). He denied the feelings and said he is trying to work through his issues. I do love him but I can't continue to feel this way. I don't even trust anyone nor my self (on decisions). He said great when he is trying to work through his issues I am going to leave him. That he might as well drive off a cliff and then I can collect the insurance money and be happy. I said that is not what I want, I want him to be honest with me and not to sneak around my back. I asked him would he have told me and said no. He is a good man, but lies and has cheated. I went parttime back in July and have no insurance for myself, I'm scared and have no family or monetary support. Has anyone's marriage worked out. We have seen counselors in the past but he didn't like them because they sided with me. He want's to join a support group, which I am fine about. Help?????
Today, someone sent me a text and said he was with her again. I immediately drove out there and yelled at him (she was gone). I told him I can't do this anymore and that I was going to file for divorce. I do love him, but I don't trust him. He said he is trying to move on and just needs her to not be mad at him (since he does not have any friends he sees her as a friend). I explained she is not a friend and that she is the 3rd person in our marriage. He shouldn't have anything to talk about with her. He is tearring our marriage apart. But he expect me to trust him and that is has been since 2011 that the affair ended. I said I can't trust you because you keep seeing her (even if it is just to tall and that this shows he has feelings for her). He denied the feelings and said he is trying to work through his issues. I do love him but I can't continue to feel this way. I don't even trust anyone nor my self (on decisions). He said great when he is trying to work through his issues I am going to leave him. That he might as well drive off a cliff and then I can collect the insurance money and be happy. I said that is not what I want, I want him to be honest with me and not to sneak around my back. I asked him would he have told me and said no. He is a good man, but lies and has cheated. I went parttime back in July and have no insurance for myself, I'm scared and have no family or monetary support. Has anyone's marriage worked out. We have seen counselors in the past but he didn't like them because they sided with me. He want's to join a support group, which I am fine about. Help?????
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