Don't know what to do

I've been in alot of pain for the last couple of days, last night I had to take my vicodin that was left over from a past hospital visit.  My left leg is real inflamed.  I told the nurse of my last visit that it was angry.  I took some antibiotics left over from when I orginally was diagnosed last year.  Believe me it pays to hold on to some prescriptions because you never know when you will need them again.  It's been nine months now this year that I've been on disability and I don't know what I will do, I can't look for work when I can't get around.  My previous job abandoned me.  If it wasn't for my faith I would be tempted to do myself in, that would be the practical thing to do since I'm no good to myself or anybody else like this.  I don't want to face the holidays like this.