Don't know what to think
Hello, I dont feel very deserving. I feel so worthless like so many wonderful people here but I am so hurt and confused right now I just dont know what to think or do- No matter what anybody says to me I will take it as a gift. I've been estranged from my only one abusive son for over 10 years. I have seen and talk to him off and on over the years but pretty much just when he needs money. I always give it to him and provide support and encouragement the best I can . I am quite old - have been battling cancer recently and all that goes with that and haven't much money. He is my only family. He almost always want to tell me how much more his life is worth than mine and usually I agree, because I dont want to argue or upset him and I do mostly agree, if not completely because he is so young. but it just hurst so much to hear him say that(Hes was 32 day before yesterday. I just turned 68 in January. His dad left us in Canada where he was born when he was only 3 and we never heard or saw him again. I managed to get us back to Calif by myself with no help have been the sole support his whole life. I just dont know if am am being selfish. He says Im incredibly selflsh and when I do muster up the courage once in a while to say no his life is not worth more than mine- a very painful verbal assault ensues. things I cant repeat. Am I wrong to say that?being too sensitive and selfish. Someone please tell me the truth. Any feedback would be most greatly appreciated. He's raging alchoolic, has epelipsy because of his drinking and and seriously threatens me. As much as I love him I dont know what to do or say. He ends so many conversations wtih that remark
Thank any one reading this who would share there thoughts with me.
God Bless
. Happy Easter to all the wonderful and inspiring people on this Site
Not so happydmg2
Thank any one reading this who would share there thoughts with me.
God Bless
. Happy Easter to all the wonderful and inspiring people on this Site
Not so happydmg2
Replies
HappyDMG, listen to me: YOU. ARE. PRECIOUS. It\'s your son who has the problems, not you -- he is a raging alcoholic and has epilepsy because of his drinking!! But even son, it sounds to me like he knows exactly how to run the ATM at the Bank of Mom, because he is pushing all the \"right\" buttons to make the cash come out!!!!
68 isn\'t all that old!!! You have some good times still ahead of you. Unfortunately, I don\'t think they are going to include your son. . . not at this point, anyway. . . unless he makes some major changes in the way he thinks. And you can\'t *make* him do that, even if you give him your last penny. HE is the only one who can make himself change. . . and if he doesn\'t want to, he won\'t. :-(
There is absolutely nothing selfish or \"sensitive\" about taking care of yourself, nothing at all. And it sounds like you are long overdue in that department! Please try to concentrate on what YOU need right now, which is fighting this cancer. That requires ALL of your energy and concentration! You gave him all you had to give -- you taught him values and love and consideration -- and it\'s not your fault that he didn\'t learn those lessons! He is a big boy now at age 32, and he has got to learn to take care of himself WITHOUT nagging and pestering and guilting his momma into doing it for him.
I think the best thing you can do for him -- and you -- is to close the Bank of Mom and if he gets angry and threatens you, call the police! You may even have to get a restraining order! I hope it doesn\'t come to that, but If that is the only way he can learn to respect you, so be it. You deserve some peace and tranquility while you devote every last bit of your strength to getting well.
I\'m sorry if these words sound harsh, but I think you need to hear them. You are indeed precious, and you need to know that! And your son needs to know that he can\'t bully you any longer.
((hugs))
God Bless you for responding to me. I am crying now because I know you are right. I\'m just too weak to say no. The cancer is at bay I think-it was touch and go there for a while but i think it might be in remission. Im still very weak and tired a lot of the time but I might have a part time job intervies this week so I am hopeful there. Just afraid to leave him here alone. He\'s coming back down to L A from S F tomorrow yet again to live with me for the second time in the past year. I paid to get him up there and to send his things up there just this past Dec. because he lived there once before and He and i both thought he might be able to make it there. But the free ride is over for him up there too now now Roommate kicking him out so its back here. I wont go on anymore about how bad this is. I just mainly wanted to let you know how much your honesty and words of wisdom are appreciated. It does help so much. Again, thank you for responding to me & so many grateful hugs back to you Happydmg
Thank you again Happy Easter - I feel very hopeful today-At least my son called and apologized and said he\'s going to church today. you\'ll never know how much your response helped me