don't know what i'm feeling anymore

Not to be confused with knowing what i need to do, I just don't feel a lot anymore, i feel i guess in a fog as everyone would put it, just going on day to day, not really having a life, just doing what i have to do to get through the day, what a fun life. Luckily i have my son otherwise i probably wouldn't bother to get out of bed. I know what is going on, I know i'm depressed and i know why i am this way, why cant i seem to motivate myself to move forward. I keep reading everything i can get my hands on but even that gets overwhelming after a while, everything saying the same thing, get out, i know i need to, i need to save myself and my son, its do or die, not that he would harm me but my soul is going to continue to die as long as i am with him and he just doesnt see it or is in denial himself of what he has done to me or just doesn't care but yet says im the love of his life and i mean the world to him. yeah right. he just doesnt want to blow his cover of the perfect family cuz then he will have failed at yet another thing. I am not in love with him anymore, yes i care for him because we've been together forever but soon its coming to him or me and if there is no me then my son doesn't have a mother and that will not happen. I just want to disappear and i can't do that. i am desperate to get out of this but yet i stay and moan and complain and let him kill me with his words and actions, what a pathetic life