Don't care anymore

I do, but there is no point. I received an e-mail a while back from the attorney at the state DV agency that stated she would call me that day. NOPE. I guess I must be a good one to play head games on ... she sent me an e-mail asking for phone number (which I had already included) and I assumed I'd (maybe_ hear something. Nope. Went to my in box and saw the e-mails I've sent to my state representative (who is "deeply concerned" about DV). I get these automated replies that she/her staff will go over the email and "get back with me shortly". Yeah, right. I contacted Gam-anon a few months ago thinking maybe some suggestions ... they offered a "pen-pal" as there are no groups in this area ... sent a follow-up email a few weeks later, requesting that someone at least let me know if they had recieved ... and looks like it went through ... no response. My daughter just left after things broke down. She has gotten another job and is looking for either a better or one to supplement ... she brings home about $500/month and rent is $435 ... has a disconnect notice for electric. I've been having to carry the load ... and part of what we discussed before things fell apart was that she should have had this last year to build cushion, etc. He wins ... the house will be sold next month and I've already considered that there are "tricks" people use to pull fast ones ... for various reasons. And of course, the things he does and doesn't do ... affecting us all and causing rifts that wouldn't be there otherwise. The light in the utility room blew up the other week. The lawn mower is broken; this daughter and I recently spent 6 hours mowing one acre with a borrowed (non self propel) mower and the place looks like a jungle still. Half the electric in the house doesn't work and I only have clues as to why. The furnace won't kick on; I've tried leveling the thermostat as it has a mercury "thing" that is sensitive ... the dishwasher broke a few months ago and just one more thing ... I still have one wheel on my car being held on by three bolts and two basically bald tires on front. Went to the Courthouse and nobody knows how to get the support that is three years overdue assigned to his SSDI rather than the job he's not held since about November. And called the electric company (actually, daughter did) to learn she needs $194 by Thursday ... the day the back rent she has been catching up. I've run into people who care ... but for whatever reason(s), the fact that I am struggling and the circumstances that led to this are not "news". A person's house burns down; they are covered by insurance, yet often the news will cover it and ask for help ... I've come to the conclusion that I can't outrace the destructive actions ... especially not by myself. I've been having to pay and pay and pay ... at least there is only one month more ... and I would love it if there was a cave I could just crawl into after. I'm burned out and exhausted ... I was sweating last week, trying to make sure there was money in the account before the insurance company took their pay for the auto policy. I got just enough, after scrounging for several dollars in change in the car. After all the adrenalin left my body, I was wiped out ... exhausted.
Things broke down ... I was accused of not caring and creating the situation. I can't show my emotions because right now, it's too hard. I know that I am hearing a lot more emotion than logic from her, but it hurts. Pretty much like my body does, much of the time these days. I finally walked away because every time I tried to say something, I felt I was being attacked again. She was ready to tear off in the car again ... she finally did, after calling me by my first name several times ... something that is strongly reminiscent of her father's lectures and which she knows I can't stand. Who "won"? Not me; not her. Her father stands there, "winning" even as he otherwise ignores her and the havoc he's created. My non-caring heart feels like it's been torn out again ... my explanation that I am tired and stressed merely falling on ears that I know are also tired and stressed. I wish there was someone on whose shoulder I could cry, but I can't think of any ... particularly any who would understand and not tell me to "let them figure it out" and so on ...
Just sucks to know I'm going to wake up to the same tomorrow.