Domestic violence
I've never brought this up to anyone but I've come to realize how much all that violence impacted my life. I witnessed extreme and severe domestic violence for about 14 years of my childhood. Every day. Every other day my mom was beaten, attacked, bruised, verbally and emotionally destroyed. He broke her spirit her soul. And I watched helpless. And she chose to stay. She stayed for over 20 years. She was supposed to protect me. Protect us. But she always chose him. I've been angry at her for many years. Almost my entire adult life. But my anger for him is double. So when my husband yells or we argue or we just even disagree I can't help but have constant flashbacks. When I'm disciplining my own kids I'm extremely aware of what I'm doing or not doing. It's like I'm always walking lightly. Even though I know he would never hurt me or that I would never hurt my kids. But it's always there. That overwhelming and real fear that I'll be abused. I wish I could erase the memories. Really start over. I always brushed it off. Well I'm tired of brushing. I'm ready to be free of this fear. I'm ready to be worth it. To know that I'm enough. To quiet the vivid images I never should have seen.
Replies
You ARE enough! You\'re MORE THAN ENOUGH! I can relate! I too witnessed years of abuse that rolled into my adulthood..and unfortunately into my marriage :( Just realize you aren\'t alone here. Seems like you\'re almost abnormal if you haven\'t experienced some type of abuse eh? I\'m always here if you need a shoulder..ok? HUGS!!
You have to tell that little child within you that she is a good person who did nothing wrong and you have to tell her that over and over again, especially when the flashbacks come. Hugs
My heart goes out to you for having to experience or witness such atrocities. While your mom should have left him for the abuse, I don\'t know what your mom may have been feeling and thinking inside. Certainly, your dad has no excuses for his actions. I really do hope that you are able to move on from what you have seen, your dad doesn\'t deserve to have that much power over you. It will not be easy I am sure, but trying to find the help you need to overcome the images would be so worth it! It would be hard for you not to treat your children in a way that would not be influenced from what you saw as a child. It is unfortunate that things like this ever take place. I wish you the best.
My heart goes out to you for having to experience or witness such atrocities. While your mom should have left him for the abuse, I don\'t know what your mom may have been feeling and thinking inside. Certainly, your dad has no excuses for his actions. I really do hope that you are able to move on from what you have seen, your dad doesn\'t deserve to have that much power over you. It will not be easy I am sure, but trying to find the help you need to overcome the images would be so worth it! It would be hard for you not to treat your children in a way that would not be influenced from what you saw as a child. It is unfortunate that things like this ever take place. I wish you the best.
My heart goes out to you for having to experience or witness such atrocities. While your mom should have left him for the abuse, I don\'t know what your mom may have been feeling and thinking inside. Certainly, your dad has no excuses for his actions. I really do hope that you are able to move on from what you have seen, your dad doesn\'t deserve to have that much power over you. It will not be easy I am sure, but trying to find the help you need to overcome the images would be so worth it! It would be hard for you not to treat your children in a way that would not be influenced from what you saw as a child. It is unfortunate that things like this ever take place. I wish you the best.
Sorry, my computer was not working too good here lol.