Doldrums

...everything seems to have turned cold and gray...even the weather...I'm back to that old insomnia...can't sleep until 3:00 or 4:00 'cause there's no job to get up for...can't seem to make myself go to sleep/get up for anything else.  Am told I get a lot done during the day, but only 'cause I got up last in the house and hurried through everything else...lost track of the number of applications I've put out...still, nothing...this is "so" turning out like last time...ugh! ~I want to be able to enjoy, today...it's the Vernal Equinox...first day of spring, in my book...tomorrow is Good Friday.  We did get the Easter stuff bought, but I haven't gotten the baskets, or decs, out, yet.  I want to do it, but feel guilty 'cause I feel I "might" have missed a job offer...so, I hang out by the phone, or computer, when I'm free.  The cell hasn't been out of my pocket for 2 weeks...Since Dad's leg won't quit hurting, Sis and I have been walking the doggie...only for 50 min to an hour, every day, and it is helping my flab...but, y'know what?  I could give a fig less...all I want is my job back...My ego must be shriveling, again, for some attention...(sigh!~).  Someone tell me to grow up, please!...just don't ask me to give up my Easter Bunny beliefs...I NEED those...