Doing ok today, kept busy
Went to church, then lunch and a movie with a friend and her family. Was not sure I wanted to get out today but so glad I did. Hard part was going to the theatre my ex and I always went to and also driving home through his old territory. I miss him so much!
Wrote down negative things about him which somehow helps. He's horrible with money and has really bad credit. He never built a relationship with my kids in 4 years. He is a friend to his kids more than a Dad. He runs when too much responsibility is put on him. All these things I felt ok with because they were not daily issues. Now I look back at his stories of past girlfriends and ex wife. He is not one to let go of his past easily. He separated with his ex wife 3-4 times before they divorced, and 2-3 times with a girlfriend he had a few years later. I don't think he has ever lived on his own but one time and it was not for very long.
I was married 16 years before meeting this current possibly ex boyfriend. We tried marriage counseling and I was the only one trying. Counselor said he had narcissistic personality disorder and would even say this in court and that I was severely abused mentally. Almost 5 years later, he still believes I am the cause for our divorce even though he was having affairs and was addicted to porn. I saw a counselor for a short time after the separation finally happened and I couldn't even tell her what "I" enjoyed doing for myself, or what kind of music "I" liked, or what would I do if I got a job and had a career. I just enjoyed taking care of everyone. That was my job and what I enjoyed. My brain could not comprehend anything else.
Boyfriend and I got together a year later after separation which was only a few weeks after the divorce finally happened. Maybe I put myself right back into a similar relationship. My daughter said he's ok but lately, he's had a "God Complex". He demanded respect from us all, but did not do the same for us. Is this my fault because I never set boundaries on what I wanted? Would we have been together so long if I had set boundaries to begin with? I respected his boundaries.
How can I see all these negatives and still miss him so damn much and want him back?
.....ok, back to the serenity prayer for me
Wrote down negative things about him which somehow helps. He's horrible with money and has really bad credit. He never built a relationship with my kids in 4 years. He is a friend to his kids more than a Dad. He runs when too much responsibility is put on him. All these things I felt ok with because they were not daily issues. Now I look back at his stories of past girlfriends and ex wife. He is not one to let go of his past easily. He separated with his ex wife 3-4 times before they divorced, and 2-3 times with a girlfriend he had a few years later. I don't think he has ever lived on his own but one time and it was not for very long.
I was married 16 years before meeting this current possibly ex boyfriend. We tried marriage counseling and I was the only one trying. Counselor said he had narcissistic personality disorder and would even say this in court and that I was severely abused mentally. Almost 5 years later, he still believes I am the cause for our divorce even though he was having affairs and was addicted to porn. I saw a counselor for a short time after the separation finally happened and I couldn't even tell her what "I" enjoyed doing for myself, or what kind of music "I" liked, or what would I do if I got a job and had a career. I just enjoyed taking care of everyone. That was my job and what I enjoyed. My brain could not comprehend anything else.
Boyfriend and I got together a year later after separation which was only a few weeks after the divorce finally happened. Maybe I put myself right back into a similar relationship. My daughter said he's ok but lately, he's had a "God Complex". He demanded respect from us all, but did not do the same for us. Is this my fault because I never set boundaries on what I wanted? Would we have been together so long if I had set boundaries to begin with? I respected his boundaries.
How can I see all these negatives and still miss him so damn much and want him back?
.....ok, back to the serenity prayer for me
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