Doing better today

I have been feeling a bit better today.  I'm not quite so pessimistic.  Alot of nice comments from people and I'm just working on being myself.  That's really all I can do.  I just don't trust myself nor give myself permission to be me.  I know it doesn't make any sense.  I don't know what causes this uneasiness.  I haven't acted out in my bottom line since Saturday, yesterday was hell to get through but I did.   Counseling was good.  Grethen does remind me that to be human is to be engaged in a conflict to begin with.  So much of me wants to check out and not be part of it.  But here I am being part of it.  Another good thing about addiction is it brings you right smack to the end of yourself and your own coping mechanisms but opens the door to so many better ones.