Does it really have to be this hard?

Well, I have had a pretty good year.  My good year is not so good to the average person, however, when you suffer with this disease, good is relative.  And I have been positive for the most part.  Last night I lost it.  I have really been doing to much lately.  I felt good and did too much.  The past two days I have been paying for it.  I am so tired.  I fell at work on Monday.  Scared the poop out of me.  What I don't get is how can you feel so good one day and then the bottom drops out.  I was tired and angry last night.  Angry and hurt.  Why me?  I know, it is a pity party.  I asked God, If you love me why do I suffer so.  Why is it so hard.  I cried.  The sobs were filled with pain and despair last night.  Hopelessness.  I did feel a loss last night.  I felt alone.  I felt afraid.
My sweet husband, wow.  He is so so so sweet.  He held me, prayed for me, reassured me that I was not alone, reassured me he would take care of me, and calmed me down.  Even though I was in a state of despair.  I do realize the things and people in my life that are blessings.  It doesn't make it any easier though.  It is so challenging to not focus on the disease.  Especially when you are so tired and in pain.  I pray for healing.  I pray for courage.  My heart breaks for all of us suffering with this disease.