DOES IT EVER END?
DOES IT EVER END ALL THE HURT AND PAIN THAT ONE FEELS INSIDE? TO LOVE OR NOT TO LOVE, I DON'T WANT TO LOVE THE MAN ON THE INSIDE LOOKING TO THE OUTSIDE, THERE IS NO ESCAPE, NO ESCAPE FROM LOVING HIM, IT WOULD NOT BE SO HARD IF I HAD ADULT COMMUNICATION OUT HERE, OR AT LEAST I DON'T THINK IT WOULD BE SO BAD, BUT SINCE I ONLY HAVE A 5 AND 2 YEAR OLD TO TALK TO ALL DAY LONG, IT SURE GETS BORING, AND ITS LIKE I DON'T WANT TO HANG ON TO THIS DREAM, THIS NIGHTMARE, HIS INCARCERATION IS DRIVING ME INSANE AT TIMES, I WISH I KNEW HOW TO MOVE ON, BUT GUILT WILL NOT ALLOW ME TO MOVE ON EITHER. SO HERE WE HAVE IT, LOVE AND GUILT, WAITING AND WONDERING IF HE IS GOING TO DIE IN THERE, I DON'T SEE HIM MAKING IT OUT OF HELL HOLE ALIVE, NOT IF WE CAN'T GET THIS TEST TO PROVE HE IS SANE, ITS SO VERY EXSPENSIVE. I WISH MY DAUGHTER WAS DIFFERENT TOWARDS ME, I HAVE HAD A HORRIBLE LIFE WITH HER ALSO, CAN'T WRITE TO MUCH HERE, ONE NEVER KNOWS WHO READS THE JOURNALS. I WANT TO LET IT ALL OUT, EXPLODE IF I COULD, WISH I COULD TURN BACK THE HANDS OF TIME, OH WELL........ JUST ME!
Replies
you know my contacts - explode there if necessary - you are in my prayers my friend.
Mamabear, your story is heartbreaking. It must be overwhelming, having gotten those letters, and to not be getting along with your dauhter, and the rest, on top of everything else. Mamabear, do you have a book club you could join or a church group or something you could do to spend some of your time around other adults? S.
Sweetie.You know that you can explode to me at anytime.Im always willing to listen and willing to give my advice when needed and asked for...I love you sweetie....XOXO CeeCee
Lynn, I am so sorry. I think I have a pretty good idea of the hell you are going through. Can I give you some advice? Well here goes anyway....TAKE CARE OF YOU! Get yourself better....even if that means just walking a half a block a day....Tell your daughter your done putting up with her crap! You have to do something in order to change your situation. You cant keep doing the SAME things over and over again and expecting different results... You just have to take little baby steps... Nothing dramatic...each and every day. When you get healthy, and learn that you are a beautiful and caring giving person, that your are smart and sweet, then and only then will your life start to change. I just learned that medicare does surgery for weight loss...something i am thinking about. If you could just feel good about your self, you might see that there is a better life out there for you. I know you love those boys, your daughter, and Freddie but sweetie they are dragin you down and your going to sink if you dont find a way to pull out of the situation you are in. Hope this does not make you mad, but I wouldn\'t be a friend if I didn\'t tell you what looks so obvious to me. Its so hard to see some things when your sitting in the middle of them. I love ya! Nancy
We are here for you Lynn!
Love rhea