Does anyone knows?
So it has been a week since my divorce, am not crying or angry about it. Maybe it was because I cried a lot the last 3 years over a broken marriage. Is it normal for me not to feel sad? I mean am kind of relieve. What is wrong with me? Aren't I supposed to be grieving? Am not. I feel stronger, but I keep hearing from friends that one should work in themselves after getting a divorce or otherwise will make the same mistakes. So does anyone knows how long I am supposed to grieve? Even though I don't feel anymore grieve or sadness at all?
My relationship was at times full of domestic and emotional abuse, infedelity and other problems. Now am just fine, does it means that I am going to breakdown later?
My relationship was at times full of domestic and emotional abuse, infedelity and other problems. Now am just fine, does it means that I am going to breakdown later?
Replies
Everyone grieves differently. Be glad you are moving on with your life! Sounds like you\'re on the road to recovery.
I believe you have said that you were separated for 5 years...and that you also went into therapy during the process. I am coming up on 5 years since the day my H of 23 years (life partner for 30 years) devastated me with the \"I don\'t love you anymore\" thing. By the time the divorce was final (and it took 18 Months of Hell to finally get it over with) my feelings had gone from total devastation to TOTAL RELIEF. Yes, I still had to grieve the loss, but I knew in my heart and mind that it was the BEST THING that could have ever happened to me.
There is no hard and fast rule for the time it takes to \"get over\" a divorce. Some sources say that for every 5 years of a marriage, it takes 1 year to get over the divorce, but again it depends on what the marriage was like and how much work you do on yourself in the interim.
You are doing fine. Don\'t let other people\'s judgements or opinions effect you. My therapist told me \"Be with your feelings as they come up. If you are sad, be SAD. If you are angry, BE ANGRY. Any attempt to stuff the feelings down or deny them will only cause them to fester -- and they don\'t go away.\" You most certainly don\'t want to carry any baggage into a new relationship which may come your way, so just feel what you feel when you feel it.
There\'s also an excellent book called \"Getting Past Your Breakup\" -- I started a discussion topic about it over on the Divorce After 20+ Years group. Check it out. It matters not what point in the divorce process you are -- it is full of helpful tools for taking control of your life and making sure your future is a positive one, full of HEALTHY relationships.
Uh huh! Ditto - ditto !!
NDY