Documenting Happiness
Woo, yay. You all get TWO journal entries!
I was writing to mah girl, beyond, and a topic came up that I asked her about, but it brought up this thing that's been floating in my head for awhile.
Awhile ago I asked what people thought of vow renewal. I think the general consensus was that most people thought it was nice if that's what one wanted to do, but that either it wasn't their thing to begin with, they aren't ready (and may never be), or they'd already done it and it didn't have the impact and joy they thought it would.
Along the same lines of a "do over" - I found this photo (and others like it) while searching for anniversary presents for my huz :
http://cdn.indulgy.com/5v/8r/dx/58195020154468813GtHa2tnhc.jpg
Basically, the couple takes similar photos every anniversary. How neat is THAT? I love the idea. When I showed it to huz, he said that we could still do it, but it seems kind of lame now that we've been married for 18 freaking years. But a part of me is desperate to do it, anyway.
As I mentioned to beyondgum, I also wanted to do a recovery blog with him (he said he really didn't have the skill or interest for a writing), and I wanted to do a travel log of our mini trips we take, andandand... I just want to DOCUMENT our HAPPINESS.
But... I realized... not in a "ZOMG WE ARE SO BLISSFUL I MUST SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD!" sort of way. More like a "proof" we are happy. Like, "See? SEE! We're HAPPY, dammit!" sort of way. This seems a little unhealthy.
OK a lot unhealthy.
I guess I feel like... if I take pictures and write about it, maybe it will make it come true. Maybe all the bad will go away if we just put the good under a really, really good magnifying glass. This isn't to say there isn't good, or that the good is so minute that it needs a magnifying glass, but just that I want it to feel/seem/be bigger/bolder/brighter/more. I want people to see OUR anniversary photo and think, "Aww, I want THAT..."
The way they used to before... before everything.
I was writing to mah girl, beyond, and a topic came up that I asked her about, but it brought up this thing that's been floating in my head for awhile.
Awhile ago I asked what people thought of vow renewal. I think the general consensus was that most people thought it was nice if that's what one wanted to do, but that either it wasn't their thing to begin with, they aren't ready (and may never be), or they'd already done it and it didn't have the impact and joy they thought it would.
Along the same lines of a "do over" - I found this photo (and others like it) while searching for anniversary presents for my huz :
http://cdn.indulgy.com/5v/8r/dx/58195020154468813GtHa2tnhc.jpg
Basically, the couple takes similar photos every anniversary. How neat is THAT? I love the idea. When I showed it to huz, he said that we could still do it, but it seems kind of lame now that we've been married for 18 freaking years. But a part of me is desperate to do it, anyway.
As I mentioned to beyondgum, I also wanted to do a recovery blog with him (he said he really didn't have the skill or interest for a writing), and I wanted to do a travel log of our mini trips we take, andandand... I just want to DOCUMENT our HAPPINESS.
But... I realized... not in a "ZOMG WE ARE SO BLISSFUL I MUST SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD!" sort of way. More like a "proof" we are happy. Like, "See? SEE! We're HAPPY, dammit!" sort of way. This seems a little unhealthy.
OK a lot unhealthy.
I guess I feel like... if I take pictures and write about it, maybe it will make it come true. Maybe all the bad will go away if we just put the good under a really, really good magnifying glass. This isn't to say there isn't good, or that the good is so minute that it needs a magnifying glass, but just that I want it to feel/seem/be bigger/bolder/brighter/more. I want people to see OUR anniversary photo and think, "Aww, I want THAT..."
The way they used to before... before everything.
Replies
I completely get you. I think many fear in that (for me) is the possibility if it ever happened again or things just went south. How would I hold my head up?
I\'m more the type that keeps my protective sheild up. I too want renew also butneed us to be in a better olaplace. We still have a huge hurdle, communication to get over. We just had a rough communication night lastnight so I\'m on a bit of a down at the moment.
My advice is that you do what\'s right for you and not for how others wilk perseve you. If documenting is your personal daily uplift, then go for it. And renewing viws can have more meaning if you wrote your own vows, nake them relevant for who youve become as a couple not the fairy tale of a young naive mind but a wiser grown up and fully commited heart.
,
Phone typos sorry. Hope you csn decode above response
This post made me really sad. I had to read it a couple times to try and decide what my opinion on the matter really is. The conclusion I\'ve come to is... who cares why? Happiness is happiness. If you share it, fine. If you keep it in a private folder for you to look at only, fine. I wish I had some things that I could look at when I\'m feeling sad, just to remind myself that sometimes we are really happy together. I don\'t think you\'ll regret doing it.
Pinkpony - I read typo at 85% proficiency. I totally caught your drift and thank you for your response.
Thanks, Jessie. You\'re right that happiness is happiness, but - I am afraid I\'d be going to a lot of trouble only to feel let down. I worry it would be like the people who have done renewal ceremonies who walk away just feeling more sad and disappointed rather than joyous.
And, yeah. What happens \"if\". What if he lets me down again and I am stuck with years of photos that then feel like lies all over again? Ugh.
Allora - I am with you on this one as well.
I don\'t know what to do with the pictures of us hanging around my house, pictures in the albums... Anything that makes me think it was all fake. Our wedding pictures.... I had to take some of them down for a while after the DDay but put them back on for the children. I am trying to work it out for myself, to rescue some of the past or else I will have no pictures to look at or worse no pictures for my children to look at.
I am definitely going to be building new happy memories. It is the only way I think. Right now I choose to believe that they will stay with me for the rest of my life and it will be worth it. If not - well, heck with them - I will look at them as the lesson I had to learn to take me to a better place. Because this is where I am going to get myself if it ever happens again. I refuse to be held back by the overwhelming sadness and bitterness of the past. It is not going to take away from me the happiness I am learning to feel in the present. I might not go to the length you are describing - but then you seem to enjoy writing way more that I do. Doesn\'t then doing it here and now give you happiness as well? As in \"I am happy NOW\"? AND it also helps others if you share it :-).
And I love the idea of taking the picture on the wedding anniversary every year. Perhaps pick a new date? New Beginning? Make it the Renewal anniversary and restart the count? After all - it IS a new beginning. And mind you - I am talking as much to you as I am talking to myself.
And yes, dammit! As God is my witness! I am never going to be that unhappy again!
Hugs.
Pinkpony - oh, I missed your typos! :-)