Doctors today.
So I went to the doctor today for a follow up as every week I needed to go she was not there so I saw different doctors. I got different meds each time, then finally I get stuff that helps and I go see my doctor, for her to tell me she does not like me being on the two sleep meds, and that she wants to switch off and try something else... WHY??? like really if it is helping why change it... I am starting to feel like I can open a drug store for the mentally ill soon with all the extra pills I have from switching all the time!
Then she tells me that she wants me off the addictive medication.... Really??? last time they did this too gave it too me then just dropped it... Went through hell with withdrawals and it was to a point that I started buying off the street... The doctor that gave them too me was saying you will be on them for life only it will keep going up when they stop working... I was fine with that.. I want sleep!!! and they help me sleep! so Now I have one month to take my normal pill then bang they are taking it away...
I swear I was trying to keep it together in the office... I felt like crying and throwing a huge fit!!! I dont want to change medications as everything is helping right now!!! like really I just dont understand this am I am upset... And the worst part is the fact that I am not telling my social worker that I will promise her I would kill myself and I wont promise that I will take steps to help make sure that I cant end my life... As I am sitting on the fence right now...
Part of me wants to call it the end in April and another part wants me to keep pushing through... and now knowing that I will not be on the medication that is helping me know.. I dont know... It seems like I just want to give up!
sigh... I wish I had a different doctor one that listens and is not trying to say I have something I dont... She is trying to go off of my doctor record from when I was a kid... only then I just said what they wanted to hear...
She wont listen to me of what I am telling her, and that is making a big problem with medication as everything she has put me on has not worked when I go behind her back I get medication that works as the doctors that are subs are listening to me and not going off charts... they are going off what I am telling them..
It drives me nuts bc I try to tell her and work with her, but then stuff like this happens.. like right away I told her I am having more good then bad... and I am sleeping better.. the pills are working... then she wants to change them??? I dont get it... Why change something that works? If its working let it work and when it stops lets deal with it then... But maybe I dont know myself... may be I am clueless of what is going on in my life,
Maybe I have no idea about the hell I went through, and everything that happened... Maybe I am not having nightmares, and flashbacks and I am seeing I dont know another persons life... Yah doubt it... I wish she would listen I feel like she does not believe me...
Guess my father was right I should keep my fucking mouth shut bc no one will believe me anyways.... Wow cant believe that was true.... maybe he told the truth more then I know it... and maybe I should just trust everything that I was taught and told...
ugh.. upset, confused... and ready to just say oh well... I just dont know I am trying to fight, but I feel like the wall from the doctor is making me just want to give up with medication and give up with talking to a social worker, and just shut up and what happens happens....
Then she tells me that she wants me off the addictive medication.... Really??? last time they did this too gave it too me then just dropped it... Went through hell with withdrawals and it was to a point that I started buying off the street... The doctor that gave them too me was saying you will be on them for life only it will keep going up when they stop working... I was fine with that.. I want sleep!!! and they help me sleep! so Now I have one month to take my normal pill then bang they are taking it away...
I swear I was trying to keep it together in the office... I felt like crying and throwing a huge fit!!! I dont want to change medications as everything is helping right now!!! like really I just dont understand this am I am upset... And the worst part is the fact that I am not telling my social worker that I will promise her I would kill myself and I wont promise that I will take steps to help make sure that I cant end my life... As I am sitting on the fence right now...
Part of me wants to call it the end in April and another part wants me to keep pushing through... and now knowing that I will not be on the medication that is helping me know.. I dont know... It seems like I just want to give up!
sigh... I wish I had a different doctor one that listens and is not trying to say I have something I dont... She is trying to go off of my doctor record from when I was a kid... only then I just said what they wanted to hear...
She wont listen to me of what I am telling her, and that is making a big problem with medication as everything she has put me on has not worked when I go behind her back I get medication that works as the doctors that are subs are listening to me and not going off charts... they are going off what I am telling them..
It drives me nuts bc I try to tell her and work with her, but then stuff like this happens.. like right away I told her I am having more good then bad... and I am sleeping better.. the pills are working... then she wants to change them??? I dont get it... Why change something that works? If its working let it work and when it stops lets deal with it then... But maybe I dont know myself... may be I am clueless of what is going on in my life,
Maybe I have no idea about the hell I went through, and everything that happened... Maybe I am not having nightmares, and flashbacks and I am seeing I dont know another persons life... Yah doubt it... I wish she would listen I feel like she does not believe me...
Guess my father was right I should keep my fucking mouth shut bc no one will believe me anyways.... Wow cant believe that was true.... maybe he told the truth more then I know it... and maybe I should just trust everything that I was taught and told...
ugh.. upset, confused... and ready to just say oh well... I just dont know I am trying to fight, but I feel like the wall from the doctor is making me just want to give up with medication and give up with talking to a social worker, and just shut up and what happens happens....
Replies
its hard to find a good doctor. I had doctors just shove the medications in my face and say take it. my new doctor doesn\'t know me. she suggested I take Haldol. I have to drive as part of my work. no way. my current medication is not on the formulary for the hmo. and I am not taking something that had side effects. tell your doctor she is not hearing you. confront her. its your body.
Oh I have told her many times. When something does not work she jumps to the drug right beside it... All the medications she has given me have not worked and are for Bi-polar or schizophrenia disorders... She is going off my doctors notes from when I was younger. Where the doctor noted that I had Bi- polar and borderline personality disorder and at times can see dead people. Little to say that doctor was going off what my parents where saying and that I was cutting.. thats how BPD came into play one symptom... The sub doctors I have over the last month have listened to me and I got on the medication that I heard has worked for a friend so I though well why not try it. It worked... The last doctor 2 weeks ago put me on the Ativan because I have taken it before and it helps me sleep... but its addictive... last time the doctor just stopped the medication, so withdrawal was hard, and finding out that I will be doing that again... its making me upset... As she is not going to give me .5mg she is keeping me at 1mg and then telling me know after my next bottle is finished.... The medication she gave me to try this time didnt work.... I thought I would wait to take the ativan to see if the medication worked or not... I was up until 3am and then gave up and took the ativan and slept for a couple hours and now im up for the day as its my puppys time to get up. Im hoping for a morning nap now! LOL