Doctor Update
Quick update:
Turns out going to the GP was a good choice. I knew it was, and I'm glad I went with that decision. She was able to do several blood tests - some of which came back with some things that needed urgent attention, including my B12 and D levels being dangerously low. She also was able to recommend an excellent psychiatrist about an hour away - who takes our insurance. There's only one pdoc in this immediate area and the wait time is 6months plus, so getting a recommendation from further away in a bigger area with more docs means not having to wrestle quite so badly with the wait times to get in.
The B12 shots have been... like. OMG. Night and day. WOW. I had forgotten how sensitive I get to low vitamin D, too. 50,000 units a week for 4 weeks, then 2000 units a day should carry me comfortably through the winter and make a huge difference in how I feel.
I still feel a little sluggish, but I don't feel hopeless. I still have intrusive thoughts about the OW, but now I can tame them with some CBT tricks. I am by no means the best me I can be, but I feel "okay" - truly ok. And let me tell you, that is a glorious place to start from when you've been in the depths of despair.
I want to thank everyone for their kind words and gentle support. It's really hard when battling depression not to listen to the dark voice that says, "You have no friends," "No one cares," "Don't bother other people with your stupid crap," "NO ONE CARES," etc. When voices reach out from all over the internet to say, "I care," "I'm here," "You're not alone," it beats that dark voice back more than anyone will ever know.
Thanks, all. Truly.
Turns out going to the GP was a good choice. I knew it was, and I'm glad I went with that decision. She was able to do several blood tests - some of which came back with some things that needed urgent attention, including my B12 and D levels being dangerously low. She also was able to recommend an excellent psychiatrist about an hour away - who takes our insurance. There's only one pdoc in this immediate area and the wait time is 6months plus, so getting a recommendation from further away in a bigger area with more docs means not having to wrestle quite so badly with the wait times to get in.
The B12 shots have been... like. OMG. Night and day. WOW. I had forgotten how sensitive I get to low vitamin D, too. 50,000 units a week for 4 weeks, then 2000 units a day should carry me comfortably through the winter and make a huge difference in how I feel.
I still feel a little sluggish, but I don't feel hopeless. I still have intrusive thoughts about the OW, but now I can tame them with some CBT tricks. I am by no means the best me I can be, but I feel "okay" - truly ok. And let me tell you, that is a glorious place to start from when you've been in the depths of despair.
I want to thank everyone for their kind words and gentle support. It's really hard when battling depression not to listen to the dark voice that says, "You have no friends," "No one cares," "Don't bother other people with your stupid crap," "NO ONE CARES," etc. When voices reach out from all over the internet to say, "I care," "I'm here," "You're not alone," it beats that dark voice back more than anyone will ever know.
Thanks, all. Truly.
Replies
I am so excited!!
You are going to feel better very soon. I swear by Vit B and D. Hopefully you will be sleeping better as well.
Hugs!
Great news! My dad has pernicious anemia. He gets b12 shots every month. I\'ve wondered about my vitamin D levels too. I\'ve just had a shitload of bloodwork recently and I don\'t think I\'ve hadD checked.
I started taking 1 a day. Maybe I should try more.
Great to see you doing better.
So glad to read this! What a relief to know that the physical causes accounted for much of your mood... and it\'s easily remedied!