Doctor...
...I finally caved and phoned a Dr today. I have an appointment on Monday at 4pm. It remains to be seen if I will actually go, or cancel it in the morning. Sounds strange, but I feel like I dont want the help... I cant explain it, I hate my life, I hate everything...but its all I have. I'm scared of what it might bring...Scared of actually heading to the Doctor...how do I even start? Im still cutting though...even now...like I need to get it all out of my system before I see the Doctor. Why can't it just stop? Why can't I make it stop? I will let people down if I don't go...but I'm getting to the point again where I am beyond caring about anything now. I have a large Vodka in front of me. The future will be wonderful they say...but from whose viewpoint? Well, to the future I guess. Fuck the future, the present is where I am. And I am constantly fucking up. Its getting to the point Im scared to do or say anything now. I really hope this doctor can help me.
Replies
I\'m very proud of you. Your very brave. I know it\'s a scary thing and that you just want it to end and stop, just be alright already, but you just have to say, you\'ve held on for this long, a couple more day should be a breaze.
I know you can go though with it too. I beleive in you, and I know you can do it.
I know you don\'t constantly screw up, it sounds like something I say too, but it\'s just are heads are so clouded we can\'t see the good. I think if you go on Monday everything will start to get better.
And I shall say it again I\'m very proud of you.
~hugs~
I hope you go to the doctor. I know it takes guts to do it. Sick as it is, we get comfortable in our familiar misery and even while we cry for help, there\'s a part of us that is scared of what that help might bring. But you know that you don\'t want to keep going like this, and you know that going to a doctor is a great way to seek help so that you can change. I really hope you go