doubt

I don't know right now if I'm going to be able to make it through the weekend safely.  I'm already catching myself doing things I know I shouldn't...things that could be potentially dangerous if I'm not careful.  I want to at least try to get through tonight though.  I tried calling my psychiatrist this morning...to let her know what's been going on but she never called back.  I was hoping she would before the end of the day because of it being the weekend.  I did talk to my psychologist...briefly...but that really didn't do much good.  I'm finding the more time that goes by the worse I feel about things and the more I just want to give up.  I don't know whether to take the meds and hopefully sleep...or to call someone for help.  Right now I don't care if I ever wake up...but at same time I know it's not likely I'll even get much sleep.  My brains a mess right now.  One of my friends is in the ER right now for psych assessment...so that's why I'm trying to not go.  I love my friend but don't want to jeaperdize either of our treatments.  I feel like some of her current behaviors are already because of my influence over the past couple years.  I don't know what to do.  I even started resorting to drinking mouthwase because I know it's got alcohol in it...that's the only thing with alcohol in the house....and using inhalants.  I know I'm in a dangerous spot...but I don't know that anything would change if I was anywhere else.  I want to rip out my stitches.  I want to cut all over again.  I want to feel better.  I'm sorry.