Do I Sell The House?

We had our real estate lady over yesterday afternoon.  She was supposed to come at 3PM, came at 3:30PM, stayed until 6:30PM when I practically shooed her out, and would have stayed until 9:30PM if I didn’t.  She is so sweet, so helpful but she talks a lot – I mean a lot.  She has to tell you everyone’s story – in detail.  Well, if our house is in tip top shape she thinks we can get top dollar.  I don’t think we can get as much as she thinks but we can try.  Especially in this day in age.  But we have a problem because I have so many collections.  I think I have to have an estate sale first.  And we have to do a lot of fix ups.   So I discussed all this with my therapist today.  I’ve already weeded down and this is what I want to keep and everything is fine and in it’s place.  But we take too much money out of second mortgage every month and we can’t keep doing that.  Or, I could get a job but that still won’t make up for it and due to many issues I haven’t done that yet.  I told her we’ll look this Sunday for open houses in the areas we can afford and she said look with my heart.    She asked me what kind of job I would like.  I told her part time, in an office with other people.  I’ve had it where I was just myself and I felt like I was in a cage – couldn’t even go out to lunch.  She said I’m such a people person I’d be good with co-workers.  I briefly mentioned conflicts but very briefly.  She keeps pushing the helping the elderly who have the money for companions and such.  Grocery shopping, just being with them, etc.  She said she has an elderly couple who the husband has seizures and can’t be left alone.  The wife has someone come twice a week to just be with him and “shoot the breeze.”  Her mother-in-law has someone she adores who comes and does her gardening with her and is like a companion – a man.  I asked her if she said anything about her problem like mine when she was just there.  She thought and said no but commented she’s very open about it.  I just nodded.  Also, my organizing skills she talks about.  I already have a name but I just don’t know about all that.  And, it’s so very hard to find a job these days!  I asked her about the out-of-town guests she had yesterday.  They were good friends who adopted two 11 year old boys.  One is BDD and the other Autistic.  I think she was glad they left.  I said, “You’re house!”  She nodded.  She said it makes her greatfull for what she has – I guess she means her kids are good with no problems.    We talked about the Komen race and she asked me what I decided.  I said my friend called with our plans for the day so I’m not doing it.  But I’ll watch it on TV and say, “I should be there.”  She said there’s a cognitive theory:  You shouldn’t should on yourself.  I told her it sounds like something else.  We laughed.  We laughed again when I said it’s a good thing I don’t do that – according to our conversation in the car.  Meaning:  shit on myself.  Anyway, she means don’t dwell on the ‘should’ and honor my best friend in other ways.  She said she’s going with her husband and he has a friend who works for a company who has a “team” they’ll be on.  She still gets a pink shirt because she’s a survivor and she has to go early for stuff.  I told her to check out the bathroom situations and let me know.  She said she would.   When I had to go to the bathroom I told her but we just kept talking.  We were talking about what I want in a job and she commented , “Like that,” referring to me having to go to the bathroom and needing something that would accommodate that.  She didn’t say accommodate but meant it.  When I was struggling more she asked me if I want to go or wait.  I told her I wanted to wait a little bit.  Within maybe 2 minutes I said, “I really gotta go,” and she acknowledged it and I go up and went.  I came back and said how quiet it was.  She was the only one there.  When I first came in she commented she didn’t think I was ever there on a Friday.  No, but my kids were.  She said how I was in the waiting area then – not in the office.    I told her how I initiate talking about moving with my husband.  I’m so wishy washy about everything.  I like this – then I don’t, I like that – then I don’t and so on.  But I’m not a good sales person.  I’d say, “You don’t want it, it’s OK.”  But whatever I say to my husband he’ll go along with and I want to really know what he thinks.  She said I’m very persuasive.  I hope that’s a compliment – I’m not sure.    I told her I’m seeing the husbands for the first time tomorrow, after our girl trip,  at our event and I don’t know what the wives told them.  I hope they don’t tease me.  I’m hoping this all will fade away kind of.  At first everyone asks questions and wants to know everything.  Then they know and they don’t – hopefully they will stop.  I hope it’s like that.  She said it's like old news.  Yes.  The husband that we see on Sunday mornings, when I sit long enough I have to go to the bathroom and last Sunday he just said, “I do, too.”  She said maybe he just had to go.  He did but he sometimes he waits for me because he knows it’s coming soon and he’ll go when I do.  He didn’t tease me last Sunday at all.  First I thought his wife told him not to do that – to leave me alone.  She’s the understanding one.  But it couldn’t be because she’s not there on Sunday mornings to see it.  Maybe things will calm down now and that’ll be good.  But I will see the husband that gave his wife toilet paper for me tomorrow.  She laughed.    So … my stuff.  I can’t let go of my collections.  I just can’t.  I may have to and I’ll try to sell them but it’ll be sad and a lot of work.  I’ve worked so hard to collect all I have and I don’t want to give them up.  I mentioned to my therapist I wish she could come over and see my dilemma but I already know she won’t.  She wouldn’t even come over before I had to box them all up after my floods a couple years ago.  I just think if she could see first hand she could help me better.  Maybe put herself in the position what she would do if she was in the same predicament.    But I want I live more comfortably and travel more.  It’s such a hard dilemma.  Maybe I should just get a job.  But, like I said there are so many issues there.  Maybe I should just try.  I don’t know!  And, I know my therapist can’t make my mind up for me.  She listens and hopefully will guide me and help me see things I don’t to help me decide things.  I’m hoping God will do the same.  He’ll help me see what’s best for me and my family.