DIY (Do It Yourself)
My personal ethics wouldn't let me charge a client a nickel for the amount of work I got done on the pile today, but I do believe it was downright medicinal to give up the hunt for help and just roll up my sleeves. For now I there are enough little pieces that I can just work around the pieces too big for one person and worry about the big pieces later.
In between the intrusive puppet shows and current pains, I found support group discussions about being on your own. At my first meeting in 1972 I was among the participants who were felt more secure on their own. "Help" is another word for entrapment. There are ALWAYS hidden conditions. At the other extreme were folks who were terrified of acting on their own behalf. This string of discussions is still on-going. I believe it is an important dialog for my personal psycho-weirds. I often think it is for everybody. The balance between isolating independence and crippling over-dependence is a tricky one to maintain and the balance shifts for every new situation.
In today's support group flashbacks, the set of dialogs which played the clearest is, "When your support network lets you down." Even when our support networks have been at their tightest and most interactive, each of us had had the experience of being in full-blown crisis and everybody is busy or otherwise unavailable. And then there are the trigger events between group members where you feel betrayed, rejected or whatever.
Perhaps the surprise of the day is my comfort with saying, "support group flashbacks." I am nearly ready to conclude that the same mechanism which made my trauma flashbacks so horrific can also be used to replay more useful memories.
Still sorting. . . Not okay, but perhaps I am getting there. Keeping my eye on the prize.
Replies
DIY is something I can throw myself behind most of the time, cause i am the least likely to let myself down. (though I do have my moments there as well)
The group support thing I can't do, except for the anonymity ones like here on line. Part of my issues is being me around people I don't know, same social issue a lot of us with PTSD seem to have.
anywho, the doing somethings yourself at least abates a little of the frustrations which can only be a good thing, right?
triple hugs as you move yourself closer to grand time~ all be it, baby steps,because of others letting you down, but they are still steps and that is a huge kudos~
The project is already 3 months behind schedule and I am stuttering like a stutterer in relapse. Add that to the hearing weirds and. . . You want me to *just* call. My phone ain't smart enough to compensate. Thank you for the hearing aid referral. Duly noted.
The physical labor is feeling quite therapeutic. It was a superb day to be outside. My just-a-dog is tail-wagging.
In my strictly personal time-line, on-line support groups are only now reaching viability. Yea, I had to jump allot of my people phobias to even see the people in the live support groups, but I'm glad. A whole lot of healing happened between 1972 and the internet boom. Even more between the boom and on-line support groups that didn't feel like piranha tanks.
My next live support group is Thursday. I been skipping lately. Maybe part of the problem here?