Disturbing/Sobering Call from RE Tonight

First off, let me apologize for all the journals I've been writing the past few days. I'm not sure how to deal with this early pregnancy roller coaster without journaling and getting the reassurance of my DS sisters. So yesterday when I found out my beta number, I was a little disappointed it wasn't higher and without even thinking, I immediately contacted my RE's office back and asked if the number not doubling was worrisome (even though when they originally told me they said it was rising slow, but in a "normal range"). Of course being the anxious mess I have been, I had to go and stir the pot. I never heard back from them and I figured, just as well, I'll just keep my appt next Tuesday, try and enjoy this pregnancy and if the doctors aren't worried, then I won't worry. Well, at the end of the day today, I get a call from a nurse at my REs office apologizing for not getting back to me sooner but that I can come in for another beta on Friday if it would make me feel better. I asked if she thought it was necessary, or if they were just offering this since I was worried. She said that is what the doctor told her to say and that I have a 60% right now of this working out. WTF!?!? So now I start to freak out a bit and I was like, huh, I don't understand what you are saying, what is a 60% chance!? So then she says hold on and puts my RE on the phone, where this conversation goes from bad to worse. I wasn't happy with what I heard. My RE basically said I had a 23% chance of getting pregnant and that they get a lot of women my age pregnant but most don't result in a live birth, only 5%. This shocked me as I thought I had a 5% chance of getting pregnant NOT having a live birth! Then she tells me I have a 40% chance of miscarrying and that most likely if so, it will happen between now and 10 weeks. She also told me that this pregnancy will result in one of three things: miscarriage, ectopic, or a live birth. She also said, even if I get past all this, there is still a high chance of abnormalities with my age. She said not to get caught up in beta numbers, since they are only an indication and really the moment of truth is when they do ultrasounds and if they can hear a heartbeat. My RE really talked in stats, and was really lacking in bedside manner, not to mention english isn't her first language so I can't help but think this came across worse than it should have. She did say that it was great I got pregnant and to stay positive (um, yeah, after all that?!) She also said at this point, there is no reason to worry other than the stats, etc. and left it up to me to come in before Tuesday if I want. I thought about it, and decided I am just going to wait until Tuesday. I want to enjoy being pregnant, if for only another week and in my gut I feel ok and that I should just wait. I don't think panicking and needing constant reassurance is going to change this outcome. I feel sorta disheartened from this conversation, but I also see how in a way I brought this on by asking them if all was ok when they told me it was. Lesson learned. Being anxious and pushing the envelope when its unnecessary doesn't always bring positive results. I knew my odds going into this, and this is where I am for better of for worse, and I just have to hope and pray all goes smooth. I had a 2% chance of developing a liver tumor from the BCP and I did, so hey, maybe I will once again fall into the slimmest of odds and be in the 5% of my age that do IVF resulting in a healthy, live birth. Anyway, thanks for reading this and for getting me through another day. Love to all xoxo