Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
Saw the X yesterday. When I don't see him, I miss him. Miss the man I'm still in love with. And it grows over time.
And then I get this glimpse.... he looks like hell and at first I didn't even recognize him. And does my heart ache worse? NOPE. I just get pissed off all over again, lol. And I know that's a good thing because it will keep me from doing something really stupid, like stopping to talk to him. Because I'm NOT in love with the man he is now, only the wonderful one who disappeared years ago.
I wonder.... is this it? The rollercoaster of emotions? Are they here to stay? Because right now, I feel like a teenager who's just broken up with the bad boy down the street - the one who treated her like crap and yet she still wants to keep going back. Grrr.
Gotta run.... LATER!
And then I get this glimpse.... he looks like hell and at first I didn't even recognize him. And does my heart ache worse? NOPE. I just get pissed off all over again, lol. And I know that's a good thing because it will keep me from doing something really stupid, like stopping to talk to him. Because I'm NOT in love with the man he is now, only the wonderful one who disappeared years ago.
I wonder.... is this it? The rollercoaster of emotions? Are they here to stay? Because right now, I feel like a teenager who's just broken up with the bad boy down the street - the one who treated her like crap and yet she still wants to keep going back. Grrr.
Gotta run.... LATER!
Replies
Ah I didn\'t know you were still in love with him. That is tough. You are doing so well. Keep going. The gradients on the rollercoaster will get gentler.
You are doing very well considering how long you were married! I couldnt believe it when I saw your profile summary speaking of the length of your marriage. Its understandable that you would mourn so many years of hopes of your husband becoming the man you imagined his potential could take him towards. I know this well. Im glad his alcoholism is outwardly visible. (I know I sound mean.) But this will guarantee you stay AWAY!
And I relate to some of your journal entries about regaining the house and garden and doing what YOU want. Ahhh, its so good! They never really cared anyhow (about the house), but they want to control and they sense its something you feel some passion about. Thats my take. Thank you as always for your detailed comments on my journal. I cant do this without people like you. Thank you.