Disrespectful
So this weekend my stbx and our daughter all went for a day of relaxation and fun, trying to keep the peace between us all. We had a pretty fun time sight seeing and what not. So tonight our oldest comes from work and calls me a fing profit throwing his stuff down the stairs like I have for several years after I get tired of it laying around not being picked up for weeks on end after being asked many times . Does the stbx say anything to him , no , she blames me for everything as usual. Tired of the disrespect in my household . After all the things I've done for him and all.the sacrifices to make sure he has everyrhing he's needed to get to school and sports and this is how he still treats me. U asked his mother many times to talk to him about keeping things picked up and be respectful but they apparently just think everything is a joke.
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I think it's time you established some new rules with your kids. The dynamics of the family are changing, and it's in order. Don't wait for your stbx to make sure your son's things are picked up, you be the one who ensures things are done as you've asked. When he curses you out, you lay out the consequences for him. This is a time when your stbx is probably least likely to want the kids to show you respect. She might have even been happy about the incident. Soon enough, there will likely be two households, so your rules in your house, her rules in her house. Best lay out those rules with the kids now.
I've tried and tried with this. He disrespects us both. Me more so than his mother. He disliked us both for messing up his life with a divorce. He also blames me for all his problems in life. I've always been the harsh one on him so I'm sure he resents everything.. I have always made him mind but lately he only listens to his mom
Ok, it's to you both. I feel for you. You could try family counseling, or just for him, but it sounds like he'd resent it and it would do no good. I did that with my then 17 year old, and thought things were going well until after the third or so session he asked if he could be done. He said he got everything he needed. I hadn't talked to the counselor, they are privileged conversations I believe, so what could I do I said OK you're done. Turns out he was not done. He continued with things I in no way support for anyone, let alone a 17 years old (vaping, using pot). There was finally a breakdown when I intercepted quite innocently some paraphernalia in the mail which he had bought off eBay. I sat him down, had a heart to heart (not the first) and he finally really opened up to me and we both cried it out over the course of a couple hours. He told me of his biggest concerns in life (surprisingly, they were NOT about the divorce). I said I would always be there to support him.......you get the picture. I think he's ok now. You really never know with kids. My point is I know how hard it is to reach teens, boys. I guess all I can say is never give up trying to reach him. Speak to a counselor yourself about how you might get through to him. I gotta guess since you're supporting your daughter in that way, you tried with your son also. Maybe in time he will see that YOU"VE changed your ways in dealing with negative emotions, and find that with the proper tools, or just by observing you, he can too. Keep the faith - he will only have one dad in life so keep trying no matter what he flings at you.
It's been a really rough road with him. We have tried counseling and he says he won't go back it will just depress him. I can't force it on him. Just have to stay the course and let him try to.work it out onbhis own he knows if he needs to talk I'm always willing to listen.