Disorientation
In my previous journal, I said I had the feeling of anger and I wasn't sure where it was coming from. In preparing for my Friday night class, this really resonated with me. It's one of the phases we go thru when we face an ending.
Disorientation
To be disoriented is to be "confused, to lose one's sense of direction, time, or perspective." An ending may trigger any or all of these experiences. One reason why this occurs is given by William Bridges:
The "reality" that is left behind in any ending is not just a picture on the wall. It is a sense of which way is up and which way is down; it is a sense of which way is forward and which way is backward. It is, in short, a way of orienting oneself and of moving forward into the future.
The "road maps" that we one used to guide our life may suddenly become useless. We may find that we are not only in "new territory" but that "navigational instruments" we depended on no longer work; our entire sense of direction is disrupted. It's not just that we've lost our way; we've lost the sense of where we were going in the first place.
Our sense of the future lies within the context of the set of meanings, values, and identities that comprise our reality. When these are shaken or shattered by an ending, our sense of past and future is likewise "scrambled." The continuity of our life may feel broken. This is referred to by Murray Stein as a state of psychological liminality:
Liminality....occurs: when the ego is separated from a fixed sense of who it is and has been, of where it comes from and its history, of where it is going and its future; when the ego floats through ambiguous spaces in a sense of unbounded time, through a territory of unclear boundaries and uncertain edges; when it is disidentified from the inner images that have formerly sustained it and given it sense of purpose.
Disorientation results from the dismantling of the old self, the old life, the old reality. It is a necessary step in the development of the new life, the transformed self, the greater reality.
The old self, the old life, the old reality for me: Being the oldest girl, it was my JOB TO BE THERE for all my siblings; it was my job to protect them, help them, support them and get them thru the nightmare we lived. Due to my growth and my many healings I have let that go. However, as they present themselves to me NOW, I think this all came up and it felt very awkward/odd/strange to be communicating on a different level. I labelled it "anger" but as I read about Disorientation this a.m., it really resonated with what I was going thru. I'm in "new territory" and sometimes, that feels strange. I'm in "new territory" and I feel fragile; therefore, I will be gentle with myself.
I find it so amazing in my meditation I asked to be shown what I need to see this more clearly and "bam" as Emeril would say, there is was.
Good day to all!
Hugszzzz, Vicki
Disorientation
To be disoriented is to be "confused, to lose one's sense of direction, time, or perspective." An ending may trigger any or all of these experiences. One reason why this occurs is given by William Bridges:
The "reality" that is left behind in any ending is not just a picture on the wall. It is a sense of which way is up and which way is down; it is a sense of which way is forward and which way is backward. It is, in short, a way of orienting oneself and of moving forward into the future.
The "road maps" that we one used to guide our life may suddenly become useless. We may find that we are not only in "new territory" but that "navigational instruments" we depended on no longer work; our entire sense of direction is disrupted. It's not just that we've lost our way; we've lost the sense of where we were going in the first place.
Our sense of the future lies within the context of the set of meanings, values, and identities that comprise our reality. When these are shaken or shattered by an ending, our sense of past and future is likewise "scrambled." The continuity of our life may feel broken. This is referred to by Murray Stein as a state of psychological liminality:
Liminality....occurs: when the ego is separated from a fixed sense of who it is and has been, of where it comes from and its history, of where it is going and its future; when the ego floats through ambiguous spaces in a sense of unbounded time, through a territory of unclear boundaries and uncertain edges; when it is disidentified from the inner images that have formerly sustained it and given it sense of purpose.
Disorientation results from the dismantling of the old self, the old life, the old reality. It is a necessary step in the development of the new life, the transformed self, the greater reality.
The old self, the old life, the old reality for me: Being the oldest girl, it was my JOB TO BE THERE for all my siblings; it was my job to protect them, help them, support them and get them thru the nightmare we lived. Due to my growth and my many healings I have let that go. However, as they present themselves to me NOW, I think this all came up and it felt very awkward/odd/strange to be communicating on a different level. I labelled it "anger" but as I read about Disorientation this a.m., it really resonated with what I was going thru. I'm in "new territory" and sometimes, that feels strange. I'm in "new territory" and I feel fragile; therefore, I will be gentle with myself.
I find it so amazing in my meditation I asked to be shown what I need to see this more clearly and "bam" as Emeril would say, there is was.
Good day to all!
Hugszzzz, Vicki
Replies
That\'s so wonderful! Yes....a loss of direction...going into the unfamiliar....not sure what is ahead....I can relate to this. Vicki, you are rather great at seeking out \'truths\' and getting to the core. Xxxxxxxxx
---\"the inner images that have formerly sustained it and given it sense of purpose.\"--- When I read this the first thing that popped into my mind was \"it\'s defenses\", it\'s orientation is for it\'s usual defenses, that you are trying to rid yourself of or be free from. The \"usual defenses\" are the old irrational thoughts and their connected feelings of pain, IMO. Maybe the strangeness of the feeling you are feeling is being without your old fear feelings. More freedom for your authentic self. Good progress for you!
Hugszzz,
Rich
Yes Rich....I think you are exactly right!
It\'s new, it\'s foreign, but oh so exciting. I\'m
Excited because I don\'t Even want to be CO.
I am just taking it moment by moment!
No expectations....
Hugszzzzz, Vicki
Hi Vicki,
Thanks for sharing the post. I feel somewhat in a similar place with some of my Co stuff.
Shar
It really makes a lot of sense that you feel so disoriented with your siblings. It makes perfect sense. You have worked very hard to get through your pain and anger. And I imagine you now standing there with a \"now what do I do?\" feeling. It is a lot of of work trying to move in another direction if other people want to keep you going in their direction. To me it feels like trying to change the direction of a big ship all by yourself.
Vicki,
I can\'t bring up the words I want to say at this moment, except that I\'m glad for your obvious movement into Self-hood.
xx
Enjoy the new \"trail\", Blaine