dishonesty

i just wish i could be secure with my relationship. i cant be myself i cant relax i cant love her like i want to . maybe i should say screw it and be the person that i want to be even though i know it will push her away from me possibly. im really really nervous that she is going to leave me cause of what happened few weeks  back. why cant i just be content because things have gotten better.  i just really want to push her and make her talk even though she not willing to. i laugh so much when with her that i dont want to loose her. i think i have always felt nervous because of our age difference that things werent going to work and never really honestly thought it was going work for very long. i just want to relax. but i have been online and talking to other women and now feel like hell. im not a dishonest person im just so damn scared and dont want to be alone and a freaking wimp and say how i feel. i feel like a little kid with all these new emotions and feelings. think it was better when didnt allow myself to feel and kept everyone at a distance. ugh so wish was a guy

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

You said,\"but i have been online and talking to other women and now feel like hell. im not a dishonest person\" It is truly okay to talk to people to have friends, to talk on line or on the phone, we are a world of ppl and ppl need ppl and friendship is important,,,,,, why do you feel guilty for talking to others? it isnt like they are spending the night at your place and that your being intimate,,,,, please know that friendship is good and positive and something we all as human beings need in our lives,,,,, thinking of you and wishing u happiness~and inner peace,,, KD
deleted_user
deleted_user

Im wondering what you mean by this~ \"be the person that i want to be even though i know it will push her away from me possibly. (what is it you really want to be?) im really really nervous that she is going to leave me cause of what happened few weeks back\"(?) can you talk more about this? and your thoughts? feelings? KD
alijoezack
alijoezack

i am a loving touchy feely say how i feel kinda person and i dont do this with her cause it is one way. i like to do things for people but cant with her cause she is very independent and dont want it. maybe it comes from being a mother but she basically raised herself and wants none of it. i dont know im just kinda lost and scard and shouldnt be crying at 9 in morning cause woke up on sad side of bed. i told you she broke it off with me couple weeks back cause of the messages i sent her and she was feeling overwhelmed with everything in life. then she came back and all told me is was sorry acted like an ass an she is scared cause what happened in past relationships. so said she wants take this really slow. i think we in reverse sometimes not slow. saw her for about two hours wednesday morning cause tuesday she had clean house for company and yesterday she didnt come cause had migraine. oh well. and i know i need friends to talk to but im on a dating personal talking to women and that to me is bad.