disease management

Hi friends: I sometimes forget that I have to manage my illness. I start to slack off with my meds, exercise, my routines.  I want to pretend like I am cured. I will never be cured. Like Diabetes or HIV/AID my mental illnesses are diseases that I will have to manage for the rest of my life.  I have to remember that. I have to.  I get tired sometimes. Sickness in any form is a heavy load to carry.  I chose to write this entry because I find that writing really grounds me.  For all of you who are in a good place in terms of managing your illnesses, keep it up.  But either way, experience has tought me that sometimes I have to crash in order to start rising again.  God Bless you all. 

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deleted_user
deleted_user

It would seem that you have a pretty good insight into what is going on with you. This is good and I know even for myself that I have to be on constant alert with what is going on with me.

It is bad enough that we with ADD do not have that first thought filter that others do, and have to many times double think on what comes out of our mouths and actions. It gets only worse when we self medicate ourselves with alcohol, drugs, or reckless behavior. I have been there and have done it, and when I take a step back and look, sometimes I feel fortunate of having gone through this in my 20\'s for I see others not seeing this self medicating behavior until their 40\'s, 50\'s etc or never. I also have to see and know that I am fortunate to not be in prison or dead also.

I did drink heavily, not knowing I was self medicating myself to numb the racing thoughts, fears, and self esteem from having ADD. I see and know this was not the answer, yet it would seem it does not matter to others of the great strides I have made, only they just find other things to make me feel worthless.

I defiantly know about crashing and burning, and only many times through pain of experience without self medicating numbing actions, can we really learn, gain wisdom, and become closer to the love that God wants us to be and have.

I am sorry that I am completely rambling. LOL My mind was racing tonight and could not sleep. :) I hope maybe one person would understand what is going on in the wiring nightmare that is called my mind. LOL