Discovered!
Learned that my husband has a problem with addiction.
It explains his sudden distancing from me, all the arguing, telling me everything is in my head and why he defends his ex room mate to death (and why she defends him as well). Fellow addicts stick together.
I learned that all the weird things my husband has been doing over the years are all classic behaviors of an addict. I always thought he was a little odd but never judged him and just tried to go with the flow as best as possible.
But when he came back from vacation and we hung out with his ex room mate forJuly 4th and I made that side comment about it's really hot out try not to drink too much and then all hell broke loose... apparently that's when I exposed his shame. As well as Julie's shame, too. So they ganged up on me.
Since then Jeff has distanced him self, filled his days with surfing, kite boarding, staying late at work, and at home doing things to not interact with me. And when I mention anything to him (including the Julie thing) he says it's all in my head. He said this to the pastor, too. That there are no arguments, Julie didn't say anything to me, he's not avoiding me, deny deny deny.
The worship team leader at church (who was an addict before) said everything hubby is doing all typical behavior of an addict.
Jeff drinks a little here and there and then drinks a lot, then stops and replaces it with something else (like coffee, pizza, or cake) then will stop that binge and replace it with eating healthy and working out, etc etc, before going back to drinking, the repeating the cycle. He said it's to trick him self and others around him into thinking he has his addictions under control. But honestly I know my husband doesn't because he always overdoes everything he gets into and will have to stop. He never solves the problem by switching it to another one.
Anyway, our days have been like a yoyo. We'll have a great day and I think we're getting better and then the next day I'm left wondering what I did to deserve to be treated like a piece of sh*t. So the worship team leader said that's also what addicts do.
I told him I don't know if I can handle that. I have been through so much in life. I want and deserve to be loved and cherished. Not treated like a door mat. He said I have to pray hard every day and ask God for patience and strength, lots and lots of it.
Jeff has agreed to go to the recovery group at church on Wed nights. But he said he'll go only when he feels like it and not consistently. So I'm feeling hopeful right now.
I pray God help us through this and this WILL be a victory in the end!
Thanks for your prayers.... God bless
It explains his sudden distancing from me, all the arguing, telling me everything is in my head and why he defends his ex room mate to death (and why she defends him as well). Fellow addicts stick together.
I learned that all the weird things my husband has been doing over the years are all classic behaviors of an addict. I always thought he was a little odd but never judged him and just tried to go with the flow as best as possible.
But when he came back from vacation and we hung out with his ex room mate forJuly 4th and I made that side comment about it's really hot out try not to drink too much and then all hell broke loose... apparently that's when I exposed his shame. As well as Julie's shame, too. So they ganged up on me.
Since then Jeff has distanced him self, filled his days with surfing, kite boarding, staying late at work, and at home doing things to not interact with me. And when I mention anything to him (including the Julie thing) he says it's all in my head. He said this to the pastor, too. That there are no arguments, Julie didn't say anything to me, he's not avoiding me, deny deny deny.
The worship team leader at church (who was an addict before) said everything hubby is doing all typical behavior of an addict.
Jeff drinks a little here and there and then drinks a lot, then stops and replaces it with something else (like coffee, pizza, or cake) then will stop that binge and replace it with eating healthy and working out, etc etc, before going back to drinking, the repeating the cycle. He said it's to trick him self and others around him into thinking he has his addictions under control. But honestly I know my husband doesn't because he always overdoes everything he gets into and will have to stop. He never solves the problem by switching it to another one.
Anyway, our days have been like a yoyo. We'll have a great day and I think we're getting better and then the next day I'm left wondering what I did to deserve to be treated like a piece of sh*t. So the worship team leader said that's also what addicts do.
I told him I don't know if I can handle that. I have been through so much in life. I want and deserve to be loved and cherished. Not treated like a door mat. He said I have to pray hard every day and ask God for patience and strength, lots and lots of it.
Jeff has agreed to go to the recovery group at church on Wed nights. But he said he'll go only when he feels like it and not consistently. So I'm feeling hopeful right now.
I pray God help us through this and this WILL be a victory in the end!
Thanks for your prayers.... God bless
Replies
You\'re absolutely right, you deserve to be treated well & not like a doormat. I pray with you that things work out for the best. I believe that prayer changes things especially when others are in agreement with your prayer. So continue to be hopeful. I admire that about you. I couldn\'t do it, but you\'re such a strong person! Best Wishes! ***hugs***
praying for strength for you. i suggest Al Anon for you. it\'s time to take care of YOU.
Wow, I didn\'t see that one coming. I\'m so sorry. I hope that he will work on getting better. Sounds like you still want to stay by his side and be supportive, that is admirable. But it sounds like you also know to protect and love yourself, too. Stay strong, I know you are. Hugs, Sadie
Thank you for the support and prayers, everyone! Lord knows I (& hubby) need it as much as possible right now. Words can\'t explain how much it means to me and how grateful I am to have your support. Seriously!
MsPoetic, I am so glad you think I am a strong person (and actually admire me...awwwww) cuz honestly I\'m scared out of my mind right now. I would like to run away. But... that\'s not the right thing to do. I need to heal, and obviously my husband needs to heal from something as well. I don\'t know what he\'s hurting from but that\'s probably the root of his addiction. If I leave him in an effort to save my self, I\'ll never heal and neither will he. So in this case I just have to pray like crazy every day that God gives me strength. Also that He helps my husband. Thank you for your encouragement, it means the world to me!
Bluemoon, I will look for one in my area. Thanks for your prayers! Hugs....
Littlesadie, trust me I\'m just as shocked as you are. I always thought my husband was a little odd, but hey let\'s face it I\'m pretty unique my self so I let all those strange things he\'s been doing go. Because I never knew anything about addiction it never crossed me as red flags or warning signs. I REALLY wish I would have known about addiction before. I would have been aware of this. I\'m so glad my eyes are now open! Thank you for your support (and admiration... sometimes I don\'t think I\'m strong enough -it\'s so NICE to hear it from my friends!).
Btw, my husband has NOT yet come to me to admit he has a problem with addiction. Over the last few days I\'ve been putting the pieces of the puzzle together by talking to people who were either prior addicts or someone in their family was an addict. Suddenly everything my husband has been doing our whole marriage made sense, especially lately with all the drama. The closest thing hubby has come to admitting anything to me is the other night he said to me, \"Yes I tend to over do things.\" That\'s not the same as saying: \"Yes I\'m an addict I need help.\" I have yet to tell him that I know. I am wondering about the right time to tell him and not cause an argument.
Peace and blessings.....
I am a recovering alcoholic with 25 yrs of sobriety. Your husband\'s drinking and other addictions are things that you have no control over. You can\'t fix him. He is the one who has to want it. I am praying for you both.
That being said, you need to take care of you. Al-anon is a good program. They have live meetings and online meetings. You deserve to be happy.
I hold you in my heart as you begin this journey.
I agree with Marion. My partner has been clean . And sober for over ten years. You can\'t change, fix or save an addict. He has to hit rock bottom. Please go to Al-anon. They will support you during this journey. Take care of yourself!