Discouragement
Sadly, it seems I only write on here when I'm feeling less than enthusiastic. Thank you for putting up with my hum drummery.
I am not really feeling sorry for myself all that much. I know there are people far worse off than myself. It is the chronic discouragement that is slowing me down today.
I went to the dentist last week for my semi-annual cleaning. It always causes sensitivity and some soreness for a few days, but now I have a VERY sore spot on my gums. I think something (nut or popcorn kernal) cut into my gum when it was most sensitive. Usually these things go away after a couple of days of rinsing my mouth with antiseptic, but not this time. It is still sore.
I had to go to the GYN for a pap and to talk about perimenopausal symptoms that have been very disruptive. She sent me for an ultrasound and then did a uterine biopsy and I have been there for three weeks in a row for one thing or another. My heart just sunk when she said, "This is the third thing: the pap, ultrasound, and biopsy. When you come back next week we will talk about what you want to do about the abnormal bleeding." WHAT?! I had told her on my first visit that I was seeing her for an overdue pap and for night sweats, cramping, breast tenderness, depression, and that I wanted help trying to balance my hormones. I hadn't had any bleeding for over two months. I thought abnormal WAS normal when you are 52 years old. All the signs she listed for abnormal bleeding were not the answers that I was giving her. She didn't even test for hormones with all of the blood work she ordered. I didn't want to go for the tests, but my husband convinced me to trust the doctor (since I am not a fan of doctors and generally poopoo their common practices).
Of course my (invasive) ultrasound came back looking good, as well as my pap, and now waiting on the biopsy. I have been sick ever since the biopsy. I thought I handled the procedure well but I have been dizzy and achy and generally yucky this week. Of course, who knows what causes this stuff for certain but I have been doing a little better lately without the extra whammies.
Point: WHY didn't she listen to me? I kept asking about the tests and why they were necessary and was told they were a precaution. I asked what the benefit was and what they were specifically looking for, etc. I asked everything I could think of and I almost cancelled many times but kept thinking that maybe there was something that I wasn't "getting" and finally just gave up and went through with it. I thought it was perhaps necessary in a precautionary way....
So, I've never had a heart murmur before and she tells me I have a heart murmur. This has somehow developed in the past year and a half (if true). Now, I have to go to a different doctor to find out about that. Fortunately I found a doctor in our insurance network that practices alternative medicine (miracle!) and I have an appointment.
I also have an appointment with an opthamologist for my severly dry eyes.
Have I ever mentioned on here how much I really, really, really don't like going to doctors? haha.
Have I ever mentioned my wonderings about how to pay for all of this? Our deductible went up an extra $100 this year over last year's rate.
I have been trying so hard to try to get healthier so I can find a job to help with finances. It seems like the harder I try to eat healthy, talk myself into going to a doctor for help, admit that my depression is more serious than I want to accept so I need to get help, set goals, and plan ways to reach out so that I am not so isolated -- I seem to experience an increase in the intensity of my symptoms. Boo-ya.
There are times when I think that maybe it is just the depression that is causing my symptoms, then I will do some research for ME/CFS and realize I am checking off the list of symptoms. It's true: I have this illness. Whatever that means.
I even had my little brain blips today where I can actually feel a kind of disconnect. I don't like those. I don't have them often and haven't had them for quite a while. I have been pulling my coping tools out and trying to work through this. But GEE WHIZ this is discouraging.
If you are still reading, thanks. Heavy sigh. I am practicing appreciation. The nice thing about coming here is that I can express my disappointments and don't have to go on and on about how grateful I am for what I CAN do and sugar coat what feels like crapiola.
I counted up my friends here on DS and realized that only about a handful are left from the couple of dozen that I have connected with over the years. Drifted away I guess. I wonder about them.
Carry on,
Katy
I am not really feeling sorry for myself all that much. I know there are people far worse off than myself. It is the chronic discouragement that is slowing me down today.
I went to the dentist last week for my semi-annual cleaning. It always causes sensitivity and some soreness for a few days, but now I have a VERY sore spot on my gums. I think something (nut or popcorn kernal) cut into my gum when it was most sensitive. Usually these things go away after a couple of days of rinsing my mouth with antiseptic, but not this time. It is still sore.
I had to go to the GYN for a pap and to talk about perimenopausal symptoms that have been very disruptive. She sent me for an ultrasound and then did a uterine biopsy and I have been there for three weeks in a row for one thing or another. My heart just sunk when she said, "This is the third thing: the pap, ultrasound, and biopsy. When you come back next week we will talk about what you want to do about the abnormal bleeding." WHAT?! I had told her on my first visit that I was seeing her for an overdue pap and for night sweats, cramping, breast tenderness, depression, and that I wanted help trying to balance my hormones. I hadn't had any bleeding for over two months. I thought abnormal WAS normal when you are 52 years old. All the signs she listed for abnormal bleeding were not the answers that I was giving her. She didn't even test for hormones with all of the blood work she ordered. I didn't want to go for the tests, but my husband convinced me to trust the doctor (since I am not a fan of doctors and generally poopoo their common practices).
Of course my (invasive) ultrasound came back looking good, as well as my pap, and now waiting on the biopsy. I have been sick ever since the biopsy. I thought I handled the procedure well but I have been dizzy and achy and generally yucky this week. Of course, who knows what causes this stuff for certain but I have been doing a little better lately without the extra whammies.
Point: WHY didn't she listen to me? I kept asking about the tests and why they were necessary and was told they were a precaution. I asked what the benefit was and what they were specifically looking for, etc. I asked everything I could think of and I almost cancelled many times but kept thinking that maybe there was something that I wasn't "getting" and finally just gave up and went through with it. I thought it was perhaps necessary in a precautionary way....
So, I've never had a heart murmur before and she tells me I have a heart murmur. This has somehow developed in the past year and a half (if true). Now, I have to go to a different doctor to find out about that. Fortunately I found a doctor in our insurance network that practices alternative medicine (miracle!) and I have an appointment.
I also have an appointment with an opthamologist for my severly dry eyes.
Have I ever mentioned on here how much I really, really, really don't like going to doctors? haha.
Have I ever mentioned my wonderings about how to pay for all of this? Our deductible went up an extra $100 this year over last year's rate.
I have been trying so hard to try to get healthier so I can find a job to help with finances. It seems like the harder I try to eat healthy, talk myself into going to a doctor for help, admit that my depression is more serious than I want to accept so I need to get help, set goals, and plan ways to reach out so that I am not so isolated -- I seem to experience an increase in the intensity of my symptoms. Boo-ya.
There are times when I think that maybe it is just the depression that is causing my symptoms, then I will do some research for ME/CFS and realize I am checking off the list of symptoms. It's true: I have this illness. Whatever that means.
I even had my little brain blips today where I can actually feel a kind of disconnect. I don't like those. I don't have them often and haven't had them for quite a while. I have been pulling my coping tools out and trying to work through this. But GEE WHIZ this is discouraging.
If you are still reading, thanks. Heavy sigh. I am practicing appreciation. The nice thing about coming here is that I can express my disappointments and don't have to go on and on about how grateful I am for what I CAN do and sugar coat what feels like crapiola.
I counted up my friends here on DS and realized that only about a handful are left from the couple of dozen that I have connected with over the years. Drifted away I guess. I wonder about them.
Carry on,
Katy
Replies
Katy Katy Katy....You should know that those of us that are still here on DS and who are your friends will ALWAYS listen/read what you write! And no, it is not always chipper! But who wants to read that when they feel like shit? Not me! (But that is just my own issue!). You will always be accepted by me, can not speak for others, no matter what you share. I am sorry you are going through this down phase and I do get it...trust me!
If there was something I could do to help you, I would! Is there? If so please let me know!!!
I will write again later so as not to take up too much space in this comment section ( and my coffee needs to kick in, oh and my meds!)
XO Ruth
Haven\'t drifted away...or faded away...still here.
You know how I feel about doctors...having rich parents who can pay for med school doesn\'t make you smart. I\'ve reluctantly come to the conclusion that the reason doctors often misdiagnose and fail to listen to their patients is pretty simple...they\'re stupid, OK? Nobody ever flunks out of med school if Daddy\'s rich and Momma\'s good looking, get it?
Trust your own judgement, you\'re a smart lady.
Hi Katy...my friend!! Still here! I never know when you\'re going to pop in or journal, but sooner or later, I catch up with ya.
Seems this gyn mess has really messed you up!! Probably hormones has a lot to do with everything you are going through right now. Can\'t believe the doctor isn\'t checking that. Boo-ya! LOL
Sorry depression is an issue. I think most of us suffer from secondary depression, because this illness is just so dramatic and life altering, it\'s hard not to be discouraged. I think you sound more discouraged than depressed! ANY interaction between my and a non-CFIDS friendly doctor sets me back in a bad way. I leave feeling sorry that I went, but I do commend you on getting required tests and looking after what parts of our health we DO have control over.
Glad you were here Katy! Hope to hear from you soon!! xox