Disclosure
I feel strongly that disclosing an affair to family, friends, and even co-workers is necessary for healing and prevention when it comes to infidelity. It seems like a LOT of people disagree and/or are too ashamed, embarrassed, or afraid of being judged.
There a number of reason why revealing the affair is beneficial. With my husband's affair, disclosing the affair to his work was definitely risky since a LOT of his inappropriate behavior happened while he was supposed to be working. However, to me the risk was worth it. I wasn't willing to exchange the well being of my husband's career for the well being of our marriage. As it turns out, not only were his bosses willing/able to talk to the OW and ward her off (it took several tries, but it did eventually work when she was threatened with a lawsuit) AND my husband's bosses were able to do their best to ensure that he didn't work with her again.
If we hadn't gone to them, none of those precautions would have been put in place. If he'd told them "I don't want to work with OW again..." they would have laughed and told him to put on his big boy pants and get over it, since they wouldn't have understood why or what was at risk. Thankfully, at least the supervisors at his work value the sanctity of family and marriage and were willing to make adjustments to protect ours.
ANYway...
I'm a big Post Secrets fan and when I saw this:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8T9JD2KPI0U/UPt2O5s6WqI/AAAAAAAAXOU/bcz-kWRNhD0/s400/secrecy.jpg
Um, yeah. I definitely stand by "disclosure" as a means to stop and potentially prevent further infidelity.
Maybe I'm wrong. I doubt it.
There a number of reason why revealing the affair is beneficial. With my husband's affair, disclosing the affair to his work was definitely risky since a LOT of his inappropriate behavior happened while he was supposed to be working. However, to me the risk was worth it. I wasn't willing to exchange the well being of my husband's career for the well being of our marriage. As it turns out, not only were his bosses willing/able to talk to the OW and ward her off (it took several tries, but it did eventually work when she was threatened with a lawsuit) AND my husband's bosses were able to do their best to ensure that he didn't work with her again.
If we hadn't gone to them, none of those precautions would have been put in place. If he'd told them "I don't want to work with OW again..." they would have laughed and told him to put on his big boy pants and get over it, since they wouldn't have understood why or what was at risk. Thankfully, at least the supervisors at his work value the sanctity of family and marriage and were willing to make adjustments to protect ours.
ANYway...
I'm a big Post Secrets fan and when I saw this:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8T9JD2KPI0U/UPt2O5s6WqI/AAAAAAAAXOU/bcz-kWRNhD0/s400/secrecy.jpg
Um, yeah. I definitely stand by "disclosure" as a means to stop and potentially prevent further infidelity.
Maybe I'm wrong. I doubt it.
Replies
I agree with you here. While I haven\'t talked to EVERYONE about my A, I have certainly brought it up and self disclosed when appropriate to the conversation. While not everyone knows the details, they know I made a mistake and that my W and I are doing all we can to make US better. I think without the disclosure, I\'d still be so very deep into my guilt. But I came to find if I can say out loud \"I cheated on my W\" that I\'m better able to also say, \"It was a mistake and it does not define me.\"
Definitely not \"everyone\" needs to know. Can you imagine introducing yourself like that? \"Nice to meet you. I cheated on my spouse/my spouse cheated on me...\"
Time and place for everything.