DISAPPOINTMENT

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO GO INTO DETAIL RIGHT NOW, AS MY 'NEW LOVE', RORO IS COMING AT 10:00. 
THE WORD 'DISAPPOINTMENT' CAME TO ME YESTERDAY IN MEDITATION AND CONTINUED TO SHOW UP THIS A.M. 
WHAT CAME TO ME WERE FLASHBACKS OF MY CHILDHOOD AND THE 'DISAPPOINTMENT' I FELT WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO FULL-FULL WHAT I THOUGHT MY PARENTS WANTED...EVEN TO THE POINT (THIS WAS BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION) I COULDN'T TOP CRYING AS I WAS TOLD WHEN I WAS BEING BEATEN. WOW! DEEP DOWN INSIDE OF THIS ADULT THERE WAS THIS LITTLE CHILD FEELING SHE DISAPPOINTED HER MOM BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T QUIT CRYING WHEN BEING BEATEN. THEN THERE WAS THE DISAPPOINTMENT OF NOT CLEANING RIGHT, COOKING RIGHT, TAKING CARE OF THE YOUNGER SIBLINGS RIGHT, ETC. I  REMEMBERED HOW MY MOM CALLED ONE MORNING FROM WORK AND SAID SHE FORGOT TO CUT MY YOUNGER SISTERS BANGS FOR HER SCHOOL PICTURES AND TOLD ME TO DO IT...WHEN THE PICTURES CAME BACK HER BANGS WERE CROOKED. DISAPPOINTMENT...MY MOM "YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT." THERE WAS SO MUCH MORE THAT CAME TO SURFACE, BUT DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO SHARE.
MY DAD...DISAPPOINTMENT IN APPEARANCE..ALWAYS....ALWAYS! 
THEN THERE IS 'DISAPPOINTMENT' IN MY NOT BEING HEALED OF THIS RA. UNITY'S BELIEF IS "WE ARE NOT OUR BODY, WE DO NOT INHERIT SICKNESS." WELL, I TOOK ON MY MOM'S DIS-EASE...AND AS OF THIS DAY I STILL HAVE IT....DISAPPOINTMENT. DISAPPOINTMENT IN MYSELF AND DISAPPOINTMENT IN GOD...
NEVER QUITE GOOD ENOUGH, NEVER CAN GET IT RIGHT, ALWAYS DISAPPOINTMENT SOMEWHERE...WHETHER IS WAS RAISING MY KIDS, BEING, DIVORCED, ETC.
AS I SAID THIS IS SHORT...BUT WHAT I DID THIS MORNING IN MEDITATION WAS EMBRACE MY DISAPPOINTMENT AND WATCH ALL THE FEELINGS AS THEY CAME UP...OH MY! THAT WAS HARD AS I WAS OVERCOME WITH TEARS; BUT, JOY AT THE SAME TIME...ALL THIS HAD OBVIOUSLY BEEN STUFFED AND I WAS PROJECTING OUTWARD TO MANY...
I HAVE TO QUIT WRITING FOR NOW...I AM SO GLAD MY SWEET BABY IS COMING AS HE IS AS I HAVE SAID, MY CONSTANT REMINDER OF HOW INNOCENT WE ALL ARE!
XO