Disappointing Chat
I already knew DH wanted to wait until he found a job, but I thought the fact that the doctor specifically said several times that we didn't really HAVE TIME TO WAIT might have changed his mind. To me, it is an issue of faith...do we trust God to provide or NOT?!?
I didn't have to bring it up..he did. He asked if he was right in reading that my timeline moved up somewhere in the middle of the appointment with Dr. Park. I said that it naturally HAD moved up, as she said we could not afford to wait...she said I didn't even have a couple of months to lose weight! In her opinion, we needed to wait until after my first cycle, because some of the the tests can't be done until then...Just to know what additional precautions might be needed to help us carry to term.
He is also against actually TTC, but would be open to just letting things happen if God wants them to. I know..kind of semantics in a sense, but he doesn't want us watching dates and trying to do things to increase chances.
I just felt really very sad and disconnected. I had been so hopeful and upbeat after the appointment and I felt like he sucked the joy right out of me. I'd been thinking romantic thoughts, but after that conversation, I didn't even want to lay near him...just felt very alone.
I understand his drive to provide...and the Lord knows we have been through so much torture in the last several months (all of the other things PALE in comparison to losing our little Matthew), but stress all the way around. The idea of trying to get pregnant just THRILLED me...filled me with hope.
Oh well. I got to feel good for a couple of hours...that was nice.
I didn't have to bring it up..he did. He asked if he was right in reading that my timeline moved up somewhere in the middle of the appointment with Dr. Park. I said that it naturally HAD moved up, as she said we could not afford to wait...she said I didn't even have a couple of months to lose weight! In her opinion, we needed to wait until after my first cycle, because some of the the tests can't be done until then...Just to know what additional precautions might be needed to help us carry to term.
He is also against actually TTC, but would be open to just letting things happen if God wants them to. I know..kind of semantics in a sense, but he doesn't want us watching dates and trying to do things to increase chances.
I just felt really very sad and disconnected. I had been so hopeful and upbeat after the appointment and I felt like he sucked the joy right out of me. I'd been thinking romantic thoughts, but after that conversation, I didn't even want to lay near him...just felt very alone.
I understand his drive to provide...and the Lord knows we have been through so much torture in the last several months (all of the other things PALE in comparison to losing our little Matthew), but stress all the way around. The idea of trying to get pregnant just THRILLED me...filled me with hope.
Oh well. I got to feel good for a couple of hours...that was nice.
Replies
I\'m sorry that you are feeling this way. I know that my husband and i went through the same thing for a while. Actually I, myself, was going back and forth. It must be tough because your doctor says it needs to be asap. I have faith in you and i know that things will work themselves out for you.
I am so sorry. The loss of a baby is so heartbreaking. I have been pregnant twice and we lost both babies (one at 10 weeks, the other at 10 1/2 weeks). We have no living children. I think that one thing I have definitely realized is that men and women deal with grief differently. With both of our losses, I was crying so much and my husband was more just overwhelmed with frustration and wanted answers so this does not happen again. We discussed our reactions openly and were able to come through it together, despite the differences in our initial responses. We were BOTH grieving, but showed our grief in different ways. It was important for us to both realize this and, in our case, we luckily did.
I can sympathize with the need to try again right away. I turn 40 in two weeks. I never thought I would be without any living children at this point. But, here we are. My husband and I still have faith and trust in God that His will shall be done. And we accept whatever that will is. Hang in there. I will keep you in my prayers.
I know it is hard but be patient. We all heal emotionally from this expereince differently. Give DH alittle time. You can\'t do anything until after your first cycle anyway so just give DH a little time. You never know how he feels today can be vastly different from how he feels in a few weeks. My doctor said the same thing about needing to get on it if we wanted to have our own but you know what you need to move at a pace that is right for you both. Take heart your DH will come around. XO :)
I\'m sorry the conversation didn\'t go the way you wanted, but some positives to take from it 1. he initiated the conversation. He knew how you were feeling and he revealed where he was. And even though it didn\'t necessarily align, it shows that he knows and understands your feelings. 2. He didn\'t totally nix the idea. Yea, he doesn\'t want to actually go through the motions of TTC but he\'s open to \"if it\'s from God and happens then it happens\". He\'s not wanting you to take precautions to ensure you don\'t get preg.
It can be really hard to grasp on to positives at times. Just thought I\'d try to point some out. Course there are times in my life that I just get angry when people point out positives to me :)
take care.