disappointed
Well - T isn't using but if he keeps up this old familiar behavior. I am so disappointed in him. I will just have to take a deep breath and hold it until he turns 18. Yesterday he was supposed to come home for dinner. He never showed up until 9PM. His excuse was that he was on probation and house arrest and now that he has his freedom - he has his freedom. Yesterday he was supposed to e-mail a paper to himself but forgot. My husband was going to do it this morning for him. I said NO - that T had to do it himself. Well, T's ride came for him for breakfast and he didn't have time. He asked me to do it and I said no. He had plenty of time before getting into his friend's car. She could have waited a few minutes. Well - he swore at me and called me all kinds of names. I refuse to enable him and to be treated this way. It would have been easy to send it for him but after the way he behaved - sorry. And I foolishly thought - hoped - that he may have shown some maturity. It was a show to get off of house arrest, I guess.
Replies
Have you tried sitting down and talking to him about it? I know he just got off house arrest, know he wanted the freedom but he lives in your house and still has rules. He needs to understand that. Don\'t let him stomp all over you too. You made the right move not emailing for him...how old is he? 17? Getting close to 18 I\'m assuming. Then tough love baby and out the door. Explain that to him as you tell him there won\'t be any swearing at you, he WILL be home at a certain time if you tell him to be and there will be groundings if he doesn\'t follow the rules. you\'ve been so strong until this point. He would\'ve flopped w/o you. Go get em\' Mom. You CAN do it.
This is all very familiar and close to home, I could\'ve written it myself. Right now (and all we can focus on is right now), our son is beginning to show honesty and reliablity, but it is baby steps and not in all areas. You are absolutely right to not do things for him - when he finally begins to do them for himself it will be apparent to you and him and everyone else, then priveledges will come. In therapy, my son revealed that he has plans to become more of an honest reliable person, but he feels he has obstacles that prevent him from doing so all at once. It is baffling, but I am learning to leave it alone, it doesn\'t count unless it genuinely comes from him. His NA meetings are also helping him to learn that he must communicate honestly in order to ever have a healthy relationship. He has been a compulsive liar and thief for the last 3 years, it is second nature to him to lie, so being honest is true work for him. Hang in there and let him know that you will be there for him when he decides to show some responsibility.
As you know, I\'ve been finding out that it takes time for real change. Lying and stealing were a big part of my son\'s life also, and I still can\'t believe everything he says. It is awful when you feel so good about their recovery only to be shot down. Trust the process. I know it is harder for you since he is younger and living with you. Keep your boundaries, and a united front with your husband. This to shall pass.
It seems like probation did have an influence on his behavior; the turn of events are difficult to say the least!!! Good for you standing up to him on the homework; that was a no brainer and he could have and should have managed that. Hang in there!!!!!