"Dinner with ex" lessons learned
Unfortunately I did have a bit of a crash after the dinner we had following my mothers passing last week. After 4 months post breakup it still may have been too early to have that dinner, but ultimately it was worth it for my daughter as she was close to her grandmother and my ex really wanted to do something to help. I figured id be fine and really I am but there is still a sadness that became a little stronger. We tried so hard to get along during dinner and we did, so it kind of glossed over the reality of the last several years. I know I am better off now. 4 months sober, working out, everyone says I'm doing better so I'm focusing on that. But i suppose it's human to feel this, so this is why No Contact is really important in my opinion. So I'm counting this as a little bump in the road to recovery but definitely a valuable lesson learned...
Replies
I am proud of you for doing this for your daughter. You put her first. I understand the sadness after contact. Everytime I see my ex or talk to him (which is rare) I get sad, it hits me hard. No contact is tough but it helps.
We are all going to have bumps in the road, no doubt about that. I live in a small city and we frequent some of the same places...I find myself scanning the parking lot before I even go into the grocery store as I have seen him there so many times. When I saw him this week it was like ripping off the bandaid one more time.
I am happy to see you doing better. You encourage me a lot!
Thanks Amy giving and receiving support helps a lot. It wasn\'t a total meltdown crash but it was there unfortunately. I thanked her for the great dinner and felt that was it but she had to come into the kitchen and give me a big hug which was unexpected but probably not helpful but she meant well. She had moved on a long time ago so I\'m sure she was sincere. Well at least that is out of the way, gonna keep my distance now and refocus. I hear you about scanning the parking lots etc., she doesn\'t live but a few miles away so that\'s always in the back of my mind. It made my daughter happy that night though, cooking with her mom so that\'s a plus in my book, I can handle a little setback since my daughter was so close to her grandma. Hope you are doing better, butterfly posted a great site on handling breakups with many topics that really hit close to home. Really insightful if you haven\'t seen it yet. Try to enjoy the weekend I know they can be a struggle *hug*
You are a wonderful man. I can only imagine the pain you are going through. Your mother, the separation, taking care of your daughter and being in the same room with your ex must have weighed on you heavily. However, you emerged with a renewed sense of focus and dedication. As Amy mentioned, there will be bumps in the road, but I believe at this point, we have some pretty good shocks installed. Lol. I wish you continued strength and growth.
Hang in there Coop , You are such an amazing father. I know that night ment a great deal to your daughter. You are also a very strong man to have had so many things on your plate in a short window. But though this was a bump for you it was just that, a small bump, It did not slow you down. You are still healing and moving fwd with your life. You are working out, spending time with your daughter and just staying focused and positive. We all know how hard the positive part is right about now but you are doing it.
And I so agree with you and Amy about the parking lot scan. Lolol My ex has a new car so I dont know what he drives . So I just pray that God does not let me see him until I have healed because it would just CRUSH me.
Hugs to all of you for your words. This is a great thread to read. I am trying to limit my online time as that is not good for me. If I do not respond that means I am taking care of me and staying offline. The internet was a part of my issue with him and so I have to cut it down and I get addicted to it very easily.
Thank you all for your support.
I really appreciate everyone\'s kind comments. While it\'s kind of sad we are all on this roller coaster, at least we are in it together and can give each other a lift when needed. Hope everyone can enjoy this weekend! Stay strong and we\'ll get through this ok! *hugs!*