Dinner, Dancing and Wondering

This weekend we made a mad dash to visit my brother-in-law that is  in prison. We have gone several times before but this time it was very different with the sadness of my father-in-law's passing. My mother-in-law came with us to visit her son. It was good for all of us to share such a sad moment in out lives. In October we had taken my father-in-law to visit his son so there is some good memories there. I guess I still feel at a loss and empty at times.   It was interesting to see Bobby's reaction to my weight loss. I am so much thinner on the outside but mentally I am still the heavy woman.  He couldn't believe how different I look. I still can't believe it myself. I think he found relief in seeing me. When I told him I was doing the surgery he instantly said. "you won't be the same Sharm!" I guess he is right, I am not the same. I am happier and more willing to laugh at myself. I don't know where I am at with all of this, I know that I love the new me and I am getting many compliments from friends that have noticed.  That is a good feeling.  The heart of the matter is that on the way home we stayed over night at the Crystal Palace in Bakersfield, CA. My husband and I had the best time. Me, in form fitting jeans, a fantastic dinner, and dancing to fabulose live music. I felt like I was the most sexiest 41 year old woman in the world. The world stopped for a moment and all the reasons why I needed to find myself was wrapped in the arms of my loving husband.  I loved the fact that I could share his meal. I loved the fact that I could enjoy myself and not feel like everyone was staring at me because I took up a lot of room.  I have no idea how I became so overweight, but now I am wondering if this thrill is going to last. I am terrified of the weight coming back on, I love food! The mental aspect at times is so hard to deal with.  I