Difficult weekend, DH started to panic!!!!

Well, not sure where to begin...  DH is in Vegas Monday morning through Friday evening for work and then comes home to LA for the weekend.  He has been trying to see what work is available back in LA but it becomes difficult due to a number of factors; none of which I want to even write about.  Anyway, he was rather distant this past week when I would speak with him on the phone and then it came, the start of comments, "my friends think I am crazy or that I must have a tremendous amount of energy to have a child at this age (which is 55)," " I don't want my life to change drastically," "how are we going to handle this financially; doing IVF and post preganacy if we are lucky," and to many other statements to even comment on.   My initial reaction...after I got over the shock was "are you KIDDING ME!?!!!"  This is something we should have discussed months and months ago, not after we have gone through all of the testing, have been found eligible to be part of a clinical trial with regard to older women and certainly not after I have been given the "green light" to start IVF this cycle.  I mean, what the hell????!!!!!!!!   I tried to remain calm but the DH knows...my calm before the storm should put the fear of God in anyone.  I listened, I tried to make my points the best I could and to let him know that I had fears as well but that I had to have faith that this would all work out.  He has told me that he definintely wants to to through with this but was fearful for many reasons.  I just wished he would have voiced these earlier on.  I still feel a level of trepidation given this most recent conversation.  We have been together for 10 years and married for 4 of these years.   We have a great life together and part of me also questions, why ruin or take a chance of bringing something into the mix that will cause a great deal of upheaval (albeit great change in my eyes) in the tried and true of what we know and live every day.  In the end, what are the material things?  I would trade the sound of listening to the crashing waves of the ocean that I can hear from my house for the sound of my own child's laugh.   Right now, I thank God that I have my little (or actually, rather large) lhasa, K2.  He knows all my secrets, greatest fears, biggest triumps and licks away my largest tears.  For I am the one who has a difficulty reaching out.  I have always prided myself on my level of self preservation!  I thought this was a badge of honor.  Right now and going through IF/this process I am only beginning to find out how wrong I am.  At least on certain levels.  I can only reach out to a select few; my best friend in AK, my very dear Laurie that I have met through DS, and all of the other wonderful women here on DS.  God only knows what I would do without each and every one of you. My God, I sound like a babbling idiot.  Okay, guess I have to be fine with this today.  Hopefully, tomorrow will bring a level of peace and a higher level of wisdom, at least for understanding myself and hopefully bringing something to others...