Different Stops On The Train
Well, I have seen there are truly good kind men out there... a few anyway. I did find a prince (instead of a turd... yes, not a toad, a turd. LOL) I would find one who does want affection... is able to love unconditonally and accept that as well... to be raised "old school"- with kindness and manners... opening doors, pulling out chairs, wining and dining and showing and telling me that I deserve this and to be treated special and loved.
Sadly, I have also come to realize, that while we all are on our own journeys of becoming healthier and happier , we don't get to pick and choose where we are in our recovery. I would feel good that I was finally starting to feel better about myself and thought I found what I was missing-- someone to share all the love I have to give. Then we did both reflect and help each other through some issues... I still have work to do , as does he.
I do think there will always be a connection with us and we were very fortunate to stumble across each other, but again I have to step back. I fell into the trap so many of us who have always been in dysfunction do... Once again, I saw a good man who seemed different and was also hurting. I thought we could work together and fill in the blanks. I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but we can find those who do love us and share so much, but are not ready to share a relationship as I wanted. I have found a mentor... one who does support and love me... who reminds me of all I can be and do deserve. That hot , steamy sex and passion does not seem to be a part of our immediate future (and I must admit I did have a bit of disappointment since I wanted the whole shebang. ) I am chosing not to look at it as a rejection, but instead just a difference of our current "stops on the train" . In the back of my mind, I still hope that day may come before my time is up. I will not just shut down and stop feeling as my late husband wanted me to do. There are many people to love and nurture... I just want one of my very own. (wink, wink)
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Hugs Kim.
Glad you are being philosophical about it Kim.
I don’t see you ever shutting down and not feeling. I don’t think you are wired that way, thankfully!
It is said that when you can look in someones eyes and see yourself reflected back at you without conditions then that's the definition of Love the way it was meant to be.
Thank you all. I will no longer shut down. It took me years to be allowed to feel anything.. while I admit I had more than my share of the bad stuff.... there is no describing the good stuff. We all need to embrace that.
And yes there are many forms of love. I am lucky to have found quite a few. .
I am still human though. I want the whole shebang. (wink, wink)
Don’t you mean ‘he bang?’ So that’s one of almost 4 billion men on the planet. Good start. Getting your sea legs for the next adventure?
I’m so glad he treated you like, well, a Queen. You really deserve this.
(LOL. Guess maybe I did mean he bang. ) Yes it is the first time I have really experienced this. I took a very big risk , and did come out a far richer person because of it. (may have been a bit disappointed at first, but feeling very lucky ... and loved. )
Giving you big hugs Kim!
Keep the communication channel open with him and see how it progresses. If it's good it's worth fighting for. :)
You are like my best friend. She has a man who cares for her but not in the romantic way. He even wrote a song about her. I envy people like you. You have had love from a caring man. Maybe the goodness with grow and you will find out you are meant to stay close.
I would give so much for hugs and kisses. I miss touching.
You are such an amazing person. You are so brave and self-aware. It is so important to put yourself out there, try new things and take risks. Otherwise you stop growing. If you stop growing you aren't living you are merely existing. I unfortunately often find myself merely existing and want to thank you for reminding me of the need to continue to grow and experience life. I avoid out of fear and then I end up living my life only half awake and that's not how I want to live. You must take chances and risk getting hurt that is how you learn about yourself and the world. There is no joy without some pain. I have been stuck for so long and although the fear of new things and new people can be terrifying to me, so is the fear of not experiencing new things and new people. Thank you for being a role model of continued growth and awareness. I hope you realize what a positive effect you have on others and how grateful we are. Thank you for sharing your journey and encouraging me to take my own. Also, for being honest about setbacks and failures and that we all have them. Let us not be judged by our failures but let us learn from them. Kim thanks for taking some of my fears away.