Didn't Want to Journal Yesterday
Yesterday I had an okay day for the most part, but when it came time to do my journal I just didn't feel like it. I gave into my depression and just lay in bed for a while until I fell asleep. I've been dealing with a lot of depression lately, but today was just wonderful. Yesterday I had a good day too... the weather down here has been beautiful, sunny but not too hot, breezy and clear. Today I had to go for a walk because it was just too pretty outside to be inside. When I went to work, I told Geo to open the windows because it was so pretty outside, and he did. I came home, and I was lying in bed resting and that's when I had to go for my walk. It was just so beautiful! I felt so calm... I thought I was walking really fast, but I was just walking regular speed lol.
I also saw an alligator! That's my second one since I've been here in Miami. Geo has lived here his whole life and never seen one, and I've been here for 6 years and seen 2. Go figure. I would have told Geo to come see it too, but it was way down at the far end of my walk where he can't get to. He would have had to walk 1.2 miles to see it, and he can barely walk .3 miles without sitting down twice. That, and his gout is acting up, so his foot and ankle are hurting. I feel bad, since I wanted him to see it, but that's just the way it goes. Then again, I had to fight bugs the entire way there and back. I don't know how many mosquito bites I have yet, and how many gnats I accidentally inhaled. I tried breathing through my nose, but then my allergies started kicking in and my nose started running. Just what I needed lol!
I'm just feeling good. I'm hoping that this is not the beginning of a hypomania, since I'm trying not to take klonopin (since I had to take a bunch of it last week with the sleeping problems I was having) but if I have to, I have to. I will see how I do tonight and tomorrow. I'm just happy not to be depressed anymore. If nothing, I'm learning to try and see my patterns. I'm going to tell Geo to try and keep an eye on me too. Tomorrow, if I'm feeling a lot of energy, I'm going to go for a nice long walk and burn off all that energy. I might even get in a 5k! I shouldn't probably push myself too far, but if the weather is nice and I bring my Gatorade to stay hydrated it shouldn't be too big of a problem. If nothing, I want to do 2.5 miles. The last time I went walking on my long walk I did 2 miles, so 2.5 should be the natural next step. But if I have the energy, I might be able to do the extra and get the 3.1 miles done. I should reward myself with an eyebrow wax when I do a 5k.
You have to reward yourself for reaching your goals, and do it not with food. I'm trying to learn that. I don't have a lot of money, but a pedicure and an eyebrow wax seem fine. It's not like I'm going to go and buy a whole new closet's worth of clothes (which I need to do eventually). The weight keeps dropping off.. I'm down to 213.5 now. I realized I'm not losing weight as healthy as I wanted... I eat what I want when I want to... that's not something that I can keep doing. But at the same time, I'm not eating the minimum calories I'm supposed to every day. Well, yesterday and today I did... or today I will. I'm going to have some pita chips and hummus for a snack when I'm done with this. I was talking with a girl today about losing weight, and her struggles with it as well. She has tried every diet, and that's when I was trying to explain how I'm losing all this weight and it occurred to me that I'm not doing the right things, but I'm losing weight anyway.
Mood today was great! It's good to feel so good. I think I might be going hypomanic, actually.... I have to check my journals from this time last year to see how I was doing. I have a yearly cycle, or so Geo says. Maybe it's just that I've been down so long that I'm glad to see an up. That's one of the good things about being bipolar.... for the downs, you have an up. Food today was good, like I said... I'm getting a bit hungry, and I've been taking something for the acid so I'm not getting the acid reflux and I can eat more. Maybe the acid is related to the anxiety... that would make sense. Today the anxiety wasn't too bad.... I didn't want to get out of bed and had a bit of anxiety there, but once I was out of bed I was fine. Sleep last night was good... I got about 12 hours. I've been sleeping a bit less and feeling better.... I'm not sleeping until 2 anymore. I've been waking up around 11:30 or so. I don't want to, but that's when I am. Oh well, that's the way life is!
I also saw an alligator! That's my second one since I've been here in Miami. Geo has lived here his whole life and never seen one, and I've been here for 6 years and seen 2. Go figure. I would have told Geo to come see it too, but it was way down at the far end of my walk where he can't get to. He would have had to walk 1.2 miles to see it, and he can barely walk .3 miles without sitting down twice. That, and his gout is acting up, so his foot and ankle are hurting. I feel bad, since I wanted him to see it, but that's just the way it goes. Then again, I had to fight bugs the entire way there and back. I don't know how many mosquito bites I have yet, and how many gnats I accidentally inhaled. I tried breathing through my nose, but then my allergies started kicking in and my nose started running. Just what I needed lol!
I'm just feeling good. I'm hoping that this is not the beginning of a hypomania, since I'm trying not to take klonopin (since I had to take a bunch of it last week with the sleeping problems I was having) but if I have to, I have to. I will see how I do tonight and tomorrow. I'm just happy not to be depressed anymore. If nothing, I'm learning to try and see my patterns. I'm going to tell Geo to try and keep an eye on me too. Tomorrow, if I'm feeling a lot of energy, I'm going to go for a nice long walk and burn off all that energy. I might even get in a 5k! I shouldn't probably push myself too far, but if the weather is nice and I bring my Gatorade to stay hydrated it shouldn't be too big of a problem. If nothing, I want to do 2.5 miles. The last time I went walking on my long walk I did 2 miles, so 2.5 should be the natural next step. But if I have the energy, I might be able to do the extra and get the 3.1 miles done. I should reward myself with an eyebrow wax when I do a 5k.
You have to reward yourself for reaching your goals, and do it not with food. I'm trying to learn that. I don't have a lot of money, but a pedicure and an eyebrow wax seem fine. It's not like I'm going to go and buy a whole new closet's worth of clothes (which I need to do eventually). The weight keeps dropping off.. I'm down to 213.5 now. I realized I'm not losing weight as healthy as I wanted... I eat what I want when I want to... that's not something that I can keep doing. But at the same time, I'm not eating the minimum calories I'm supposed to every day. Well, yesterday and today I did... or today I will. I'm going to have some pita chips and hummus for a snack when I'm done with this. I was talking with a girl today about losing weight, and her struggles with it as well. She has tried every diet, and that's when I was trying to explain how I'm losing all this weight and it occurred to me that I'm not doing the right things, but I'm losing weight anyway.
Mood today was great! It's good to feel so good. I think I might be going hypomanic, actually.... I have to check my journals from this time last year to see how I was doing. I have a yearly cycle, or so Geo says. Maybe it's just that I've been down so long that I'm glad to see an up. That's one of the good things about being bipolar.... for the downs, you have an up. Food today was good, like I said... I'm getting a bit hungry, and I've been taking something for the acid so I'm not getting the acid reflux and I can eat more. Maybe the acid is related to the anxiety... that would make sense. Today the anxiety wasn't too bad.... I didn't want to get out of bed and had a bit of anxiety there, but once I was out of bed I was fine. Sleep last night was good... I got about 12 hours. I've been sleeping a bit less and feeling better.... I'm not sleeping until 2 anymore. I've been waking up around 11:30 or so. I don't want to, but that's when I am. Oh well, that's the way life is!
Replies
So happy to hear you had a brighter day thats awesome! Hoping right along with ya that its not a sign of hypomanic but i totally get what your saying ... when youve been down awhile the up is great! This does seem to be the perfect time of the year for weather i love it... not to hot and not to cold just perfect somedays bet your walk was great. Be careful on the eating to few calories thing im almost 100% certain thats why i cant lose wt the way i want to... after years of ED and restricting my metabolism is shot! Even though i have lost alot in the last year it sure wasnt dropping like i wanted it to but thats how it always is. Im working my way up to 1000 calories per day and eventually hope to hit the 1200 day which is where im suposed to be. Hope you have another good day tomarrow hugggzzzz